Page 35 of We Used To Be Magic

‘Are you dating?’

‘Jesus, Caroline. We met, like, a week ago.’

‘Then it’s platonic?’

‘Why does it matter?’

‘I mean – it doesn’t, really, but the timing kind of sucks.’

‘Huh,’ I say, dropping my crust back in the box. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘No, you’re getting pissy.’ She sighs. ‘Forget it.’

‘I’m not pissy.’ I lie. ‘Just seems like you felt different a week ago, is all.’

‘Sure. But given the Edie of it all—’

‘Edie is irrelevant,’ I interject. ‘The geography might have changed but nothing else has. It’s over. Definitively.’

‘Okay, but like – are you overher? I mean – you found out she’s in the city and immediately got blackout drunk.’

‘That’s hardly a newsworthy event.’

‘Yeah, well – that’s a different conversation.’

‘So now I’ve got a drinking problem, too.’ I laugh. ‘Cool.’

‘All I’m asking is that you consider taking this slowly,’ Caroline says, straightening in her chair. ‘I’ve done the rebound thing myself, okay? I get it.’

‘It’s not a rebound,’ I say hotly. ‘Don’t project your shit on to me.’

‘Don’tbea little shit, then,’ she retorts. ‘If you really like this girl, it’s all the more reason to pump the brakes and give yourself time.’

‘God, why does it have to be so deep? I’m eighteen! If there was ever a time for dating around then surely it’s now?’

‘Aha!’ Caroline says triumphantly. ‘Iknewyou were dating!’

‘Hypothetically! And if we did then what’s the big deal?’

‘Because you’ll probably fuck it up. And I’m not saying that to be a bitch, okay? I just don’t want to see you get hurt.’

‘By hanging out with a girl who might actually like me?’

‘By hurtingher, probably. You don’t exist in a vacuum, Ezzy.’

‘More’s the pity,’ I mutter, getting to my feet.

‘Oh, come on – will you sit down?’

‘Believe or not, I’ve actually got a lot to do today,’ I say, patting down my pockets in what I hope is a nonchalant way, ignoring the sickly cocktail of guilt and anger pooling in my stomach as I head for the door. ‘Thanks for the – for everything. See you later.’

‘For God’s sake – why is everyone in this family incapable of healthy communication?’ Caroline calls after me.

I don’t bother responding – why would I, when we both know the answer to that one?

Ten minutes and a cigarette later I’m pacing circles outside Caroline’s apartment building, agonising over whether or not I should head back up and apologise. I’ve calmed down enough to be embarrassed now – I could have easily shrugged her off instead of throwing a tantrum, and the fact that I didn’t is bothering me almost as much as the prospect of us being at odds with each other. Largely because I suspect it means she might be right.

The Edie thing isn’t as simple as she thinks, and it wasn’t fair of her to try and compare whatever’s happening (or not happening) between Audrey and I to the kind of shit that she used to get up to. Before she met Romy, Caroline pretty much sucked as a romantic partner – the messier the relationship, the longer it held her attention, so she’d do shit like tell a girl she loved her only to ghost a week later, then show back up on her doorstep after months of radio silence to try whisk her away on a minibreak to Montauk. Literally – she did that once, and when it transpired that said girl had moved on, Caro invited the new partner along (the answer was a resounding no, for the record, by means of a slammed door).

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