Page 108 of We Used To Be Magic

‘You can tell him.’

‘We love you, Dree. Stay safe. And keep in touch. Please?’

‘I will. I love you,’ I say, and then it’s over. I feel breathless as I lower the phone – still a little nauseous, but overwhelmingly relieved and surer than ever that I’m making the right decision.

I don’t expect things to be perfect, once I’m back. I doubt Mum will come around to the modelling any time soon, though I know now that she’s right to have reservations. I also know that one phone call isn’t enough to expunge six years’ worth of repressed resentment, but today, it’s enough. And it’s like Mum said – I’m starting my own life, now. It can be whatever or wherever I want.

I walk back over to Marika, who’s watching me expectantly.

‘Everything okay?’

‘Just about,’ I say, dropping back on to the bench beside her. ‘My mum – well, you heard.’

‘Is she happy you’re heading home, at least?’

‘Yeah. Is yours disappointed that you’re off to Switzerland?’

‘Uh-huh. I got a half-hour lecture about the dangers of skiing.’

‘Nice.’

‘Yep. And I told her about Nicole, which was a mistake – she’s demanding I bring her home for Christmas now.’

‘Oh, that’s sweet!’

‘Sweet, yes. Realistic, no.’

‘I thought you guys were going to try long-distance?’

‘Sure,’ Marika replies flatly, staring up the sky. ‘But Nicole has a great life here, and I can’t be a part of it. Not properly.’

‘Don’t you remember what you told me, though? About not closing yourself off to things because you’re scared you might lose them?’

‘Vaguely.’

‘So, you see the point I’m trying to make, right?’

‘That it’s easier to give advice than follow it?’

I laugh. She inclines her head towards me, fixing me with her cat-like gaze.

‘What about you?’ she asks. ‘Have you spoken to him?’

‘No,’ I say quickly. ‘And – that’s different.’

‘Is it?’

Of course it is. Marika should know – I told her everything, including the awful parts. The fact that I looked at his phone. That I screamed at him. And that for a moment, I wanted to hurt him for no other reason than that I was hurting.

‘He never reached out,’ I remind her, ignoring a stab of pain at the memory. ‘And it’s too late to do anything now.’

‘Okay,’ Marika says mildly. ‘If that’s what you think.’

What I think is that I miss him. That I maybe, probably loved him. And that no matter what, I was always meant to know him. The universe was sure of that, even if I wasn’t. But none of that stopped me from ruining it, so …

‘Yeah.’ I say quietly. ‘I do.’

EZRA

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