Page 107 of We Used To Be Magic

‘I don’t exactly think the two are comparable.’

‘Mum,’ I say, my voice pitching upwards. ‘Can’t you just be happy that I’m coming home? Do you have to try and make me feel bad?’

I feel Marika stiffen in my periphery. She’s the one who urged me to call my parents instead of messaging, but I guess she’s paying for it now. I get to my feet, walking over to a nearby patch of grass to spare her the second-hand stress.

‘I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Audrey,’ Mum says stiffly. ‘I just think that this was too much, too soon. Too much pressure, too much responsibility.’

‘Maybe,’ I admit. ‘But it was my choice and I don’t regret it.’

Neither of us says anything for a moment. Then:

‘Well – we’re almost done with the renovations on this one,’ she says. ‘It’s just the main bathroom left to do.’

‘Then what?’

‘… What do you mean?’

‘Are you staying?’

‘Of course. For a while, at least. We’ve had a few interested locals enquiring, but nothing’s set in stone.’

‘Right. I guess was hoping that you guys would like this one enough to stay for good.’

‘Oh. Well, you’ve hardly been here, Dree. I’m surprised that you feel attached.’

‘That’s just it, though,’ I say evenly, steeling myself for what comes next. ‘I want to be. Attached, I mean.’

‘To this house?’

‘To anywhere. I mean – being here’s made me realise how nice it would be to go home and just feel … home. But instead, I’m coming back to another half-empty house that I don’t really know, and – I mean – you always talked about theforever home,but … it feels like it’s never going to happen, and – and it’s kind of too late, now. For me, anyway.’

I feel sick after I’ve said all that. This is a conversation I’ve wanted to have for such a long,longtime, and the distance has finally made it possible. Mum is silent on the other end, and I press my lips together to stop myself from saying anything else.

‘I – I think you’re old enough to understand that even parents don’t have it all figured out,’ she says finally. ‘We make choices without knowing the outcome, just like everyone else. And we’re not always right.’

‘I know,’ I say, staring down at my feet. ‘I know that.’

‘Your dad and I – neither of us have roots. Not like other families.’

I know that too – they’re both only children, and Dad hasn’t seen his parents since he was a teenager. They live in Australia, and to this day I’m not sure if they know that I exist. I think that’s probably intentional. He doesn’t talk to them, and I’ve always innately understood not to ask why.

‘The houses … it started out as necessity,’ Mum continues. ‘After your Dad lost his job—’

‘When was this?’ I interject, totally lost.

‘Not long after we said goodbye to Grandma,’ she says, voice wavering slightly. ‘Selling the house – it was meant to be a short-term solution. But working on it meant we got to spend so much time with you – neither of us wanted to let go of that. Only now you’re gone, and this place feels so empty.’

She sounds like she’s on the verge of tears.

‘It’s fine,’ I say quickly, rubbing away my own tears. ‘I’m coming back.’

‘We waited too long.’ She sniffs. ‘You’re all grown up – you’re starting your own life, now, and we – we’re sorry, Dree.I’msorry.’

Hearing her finally admit that – it’s all I needed, I realise. The anger, the resentment – it evaporates in an instant, and all I feel is tired, small, and like I really want my mum and dad back.

‘It’s okay,’ I say, voice wobbly. ‘I just – I’ve really missed you guys.’

‘We’ve missed you too, Dree. So much. Your dad – I can’t wait to tell him. Unless you wanted to? He’ll be back in an hour or so.’

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