“It’s not all bad. At least my phone sex voice is better.” I shrug, desperate to lighten the mood.
I didn’t think it was possible, but his face falls even more, and his eyes drop and then narrow, landing on the fading bite marks on my breasts. Instinctively, I bring my arms up to shield them, but I almost want to laugh at that. I’ve never wanted to hide myself before. This shame is new and un-fucking-wanted.
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
I nod, not trusting the words not to be another apology.
Jeremy wraps his arms around me and brushes a tender kiss across my shoulder.
“I’msorry. I promised I wouldn’t look, and I really didn’t mean to.The last thingI wantto isto make you feel more uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to hide. You never have to hide from me. It’s just hard to see. It pains me to see.”
“I know. It’s okay. It’s just…I’m…it looks worse than it is, and I don’t want you to see it and think—”
“And think what?”
“Think anything, really.”
“It’s far too late for that. And it doesn’t look worse than it is. I’m not an idiot, Viv.”
I shift, as best I can, to turn in his arms, but I’m not managing it on my own. Jeremy has to help.
“I know you’re not an idiot, Jer, but I can live with this. What I can’t live with is the anguish written all over your face.”
I raise a hand and softly rub at the worry lines marring his forehead. Butthey remain.
“Can you?”
“Yes.” I have to. What other option do I have?“I made a choice, knowing the outcome wouldn’t be favorable.”
“Favorable? For fuck’s sake, Viv, this—” I press a finger to his lips, shutting him up.
“My eyes were wide open. I knew what I was getting myself into. I weighed the pros and cons, and the pros far outweighed the cons.This is nothing,I’m fine. I’ll heal. No permanent damage.”
A light goes on behind Jeremy’s sad blue eyes, and I want to curse myself for saying as much as I did.
“You willingly…you…for my dad? That’s how you saved him, saved the company? You paid the price with your body.”
He sees the truth written all over my face. I couldn’t hide it even if I wanted to. The writing is literally all over my body.
He crushes me to him, burying my face in his chest, wrapping me so tightly in his arms it almost hurts, but it feels so overwhelmingly good, I weep. It all comes out in salty rivulets running down his perfect bare chest. I cry, and cry some more, and it feels like it’s never going to stop.
Jeremy says nothing, just holds me tighter while I continue to sob against him. At one point, I catch a whispered thankyoumuffled against my hair, and Jeremy’s lips kissing the top of my head, and I cry even harder still.
I cry until there’s nothing left to cry about, until the water cools and my soul is purged.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jeremy kisses the top of my wet hair again and eases back, taking in my splotchy face. He says nothing, simply lifts a loofah and shrugs as if to say, may I?
I nod and give him a tentative smile.
Moving me a little to his side, Jeremy suds up the loofah and starts with my upper body before moving down my torso and across my stomach. Placing my hands on his shoulders, he crouches down to do my lower half.
He cleans every inch of me so slowly, so meticulously, and with so much care and concern, I’ve never felt so…cherished. But he stumbles when he gets to my nether region, and the first true smile breaks out across my face as I take the loofah from him. I make quick work of it myself, scrubbing a little harder than necessary, as Jeremy soaps himself up behind me, blessedly distracted from my wincing.
We rinse off just before the water goes completely cold and shuffle out of the shower. I manage to stand on my own, and Jeremy wraps me up in a fluffy gray towel, completely engulfing me in it.