Page 129 of When We Burn

“Go to sleep, sweetheart. You get to sleep in tomorrow. No school, remember?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“’Night, pumpkin.”

I sit with her for a few moments longer, making sure that she’s out cold before I leave her room, pulling the door most of the way shut behind me.

Talk about an arrow to the heart.

That little girl has managed to work her way into my heart and soul, and I don’t think that I could love her any more if I’d given birth to her.

She’s important to me. She’s apartof me.

As I glance outside, I can see that the moon is out, and it’s been a while since I laid on the driveway to watch the stars and do my meditation. I bundle up in warm clothes, complete with a Bitterroot Valley Fire Department hoodie of Bridger’s, then wrap myself in a blanket and pad out to the driveway.

It’s chilly, but I don’t mind. The sky is clear, and there must be trillions of stars out this evening.

Lying on my back, I look up and watch a satellite make its way across the sky. The conversation with Birdie is still fresh in my mind. Am I her mommy? It feels like it, and not just because I take care of her so much, filling that physical role. I feel an attachment, a connection to Birdie that I never expected. I love her so fiercely; there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her.

Staring up at the stars, I start my affirmations.

I am agood teacher.

I am a good person.

I am worthy of love.

I am a good partner to Bridger.

I take a long, deep breath, pulling in the crisp night air, and then exhale as I hear a vehicle turn onto the street.

The door shuts, and then there’s footsteps, and Bridger’s looking down at me.

“It’s too cold out here, kitten.”

“Nah, it’s not bad. Come on, get under my blanket with me.” I hold it open for him, and Bridger shakes his head.

“I won’t have you getting sick. I have the next best thing.” He reaches down and helps me onto my feet, and then he leads me through the house and out the back door, onto the deck, where he turns on a propane heater, sets it on the floor of the deck near the steps, and leads me to sit next to him. “You can look up if you want, but you’ll do it while warm.”

“I love the way you take care of me.” Bridger wraps us both in the blanket, and I snuggle against his side. “So, what happened after I left?”

I’m not going to qualify that question with anunless it’s none of my business.

It’s absolutely my business.

Bridger sighs and hugs me tighter.

“It was nothing that I didn’t expect. Actually, that’s not true. I should say that I didn’texpectany of it, but it didn’t surprise me. First, she tried to seduce me?—”

“She did what?”

I’m going to rip her hair out by the roots.

“When that didn’t work, she tried to get me and Birdie back.”

Now she has to lose her eyes. And her kneecaps.

“And whenthatdidn’t work, she asked me for one million dollars and a new car to keep her away.”

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