Page 5 of Redemption's Inferno

“I got carried away.”

“You got carried away?! Who did this to you? Someone in the scene here in London? I want a name.”

“Not his fault,” she whispered. “He’s a novice and I offered to work with him for the evening—his master had the flu—and I ordered him to do it.”

“You ordered him to beat you until he broke the skin and left marks like this?!”

She nodded, rapidly blinking away tears as she pulled her shirt back on. “You don’t understand; this is the only way I get relief. Not even release anymore—just relief.”

“Relief from what, dearest one?” He put his big hand on her cheek and cupped it almost lovingly. “What could be so bad that you seek this kind of pain?”

She swallowed. “It doesn’t matter. I just need to find another solution before it consumes me.”

“It does matter and I won’t allow it. I’ll lock you in my personal dungeon here at the house before I allow this to continue!” His eyes darkened angrily. “You may be a dominant, but you’re not stronger than I am. I can and will force you to stop.”

“I want to stop,” she whispered. “I just don’t know how. The emotional turmoil bottles up until I can’t stand it and then I look for relief any way I can find it.”

“Emilie, that’s not what this lifestyle is about. You know that.”

“Yes, but it’s short-term, until I can sort out this…issue.”

“What issue? Whatever it is that has you twisted inside will still be here at the end of every day.”

“I got married and had a child and that didn’t help. I’ve been in therapy for months and it’s not helping. I have a fantastic job making a great deal of money and that makes no difference either. I can’t find any relief from the guilt, and I’m afraid I’m going to let someone hurt me badly. Maybe even permanently.”

“What could you possibly have done that was so terrible?” he asked.

She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I can’t, Warren. I can’t tell anyone until I sort it out inside me first.”

“Did you tell your therapist?”

She shook her head no.

“Then perhaps this is why she couldn’t help you.”

She looked down, so despondent it nearly broke his heart. “Sweetheart, you know I’d do almost anything for you, but what you’re asking… I can’t. Even if I wanted to. There’s cancer. I can’t perform, and to humiliate you just for the sake of watching—not with you, little one.”

Her eyes widened and she was momentarily distracted from her troubles. “Cancer?! Warren! Why didn’t you tell me? How bad? Oh my God!”

“I had surgery and I’m doing everything the doctors tell me. They think they got it all, but I haven’t had an erection in over a year.”

“I don’t care about that!” she hissed. “I only care about you!”

He smiled. “You may not care, but it’s been a bloody nightmare for me!”

She smiled unwittingly. “I can imagine, but still—can’t they do anything?”

“At my age?” He shrugged. “I haven’t the faintest idea and, frankly, that’s way down on my list—I don’t want to die. Unlike you.”

She flushed. “That’s not my intention. I simply have a lot to answer for and the guilt is getting the best of me.”

“You want me to allow you to be humiliated and used as a slave because this will assuage your guilt?”

“It will distract me. Once I give over control to a master I won’t be able to think about my own issues. It will be all about what he wants, which gives me a temporary reprieve.”

“Why not just do whatever it is you’re going to do—why add this step?”

“Because I deserve it,” she whispered.

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