Page 17 of Chasing Amber

I nod. “How much of the time is she Little?”

“Most of the time. She can be Big when it’s necessary or when she’s screaming one of our names in ecstasy, but since she’s usually at home, she’s almost always Little.”

“Do you ever let her go anywhere alone?” Yeah, I have questions. I pondered dozens of them while I paced around the apartment this morning. I’m living a double life. In one version, Amber tells me to take a hike and never look back. In the other, she stops fighting me and gives me a chance to be her Daddy. I’m beginning to think that even if we put off the inevitable for weeks or months or years, in the end, there’s no middle ground. It’s one or the other. So, I’m arming myself for my preferred scenario.

Ben narrows his gaze as he shakes his head. “Never.” It’s his turn to smirk.

We both jerk our attention to the kitchen entry as someone joins us. But it’s Spence, and I blow out a breath and run a hand through my hair.

Spence stops in the entry. “Am I interrupting?” he teases.

Ben pats my shoulder. “Nope. Just giving Isaac here Daddy advice.”

Spence lifts a brow. “Oh. Did I miss a development?”

I shake my head. “No.” That one syllable sounds disappointed even to my own ears.

Spence comes closer. “I peeked in on the girls.”

There’s a pause, during which he stares at me, almost laughing.

Finally, I sigh and respond, “And?”

“Oh, so you want to know what they’re doing?” He opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of water.

I narrow my gaze. “Must you torment me?” I bet he’s having a field day. We’re in uncharted territory here. Never have we spoken as though Amber were Little.

“And…” He opens the bottle and takes a drink, dramatically quenching his thirst before he continues, “Cassandra was rifling through her closet, trying to talk Amber into trying on some of her dresses.”

I gulp. “Her…Little dresses?”

“Yep.”

I glance at the ceiling. I’d give anything to see this. Amber would be mortified, so I will not leave this room. I won’t. I want her to explore her Little side. I want her to find comfort in it and stop fighting it. Then I want her to let me in so she can climb onto my lap and curl up.

Spence snaps his fingers as though suddenly recalling something. “Oh, and hair. They were talking about bows and pigtails.”

My eyes bug out of my head. “You’re just fucking with me now.”

“Nope.” He grins. “I think there’s hope for you after all.”

I need to sit. My legs feel like they might give out. I shuffle toward the table and drop onto a chair. I tip my head back and say a silent prayer that Amber is going to turn a corner today and accept herself. And then me.

CHAPTER 7

Amber

I glance at the door for the millionth time. I will die of mortification if Isaac comes up here. I’m having fun, but it’s tainted by the possibility of him seeing me in a headspace I’m definitely not ready to share with him. I’m not sure I ever will be. This is unexpected.

Maybe I was lying to myself earlier when I accepted Cassandra’s invitation to come over. Cassandra doesn’t really spend much time in an adult headspace. Even when we’ve gone out to lunch, she’s hovered in her Little space. I haven’t known her long, but I’ve never seen her wearing anything particularly adultish. I don’t think she even owns grownup clothing.

I’m in her room. I’ve been here before. In fact, every time I glance at her closet, I’m reminded of the day I met her when she was totally mortified at my sudden, uninvited appearance in this house. She ran from the room and hid in the back of this closet. I felt so bad for embarrassing her that I climbed in behind her. We bonded that day. It was the first time I considered that I might have a Little side. That didn’t mean I intended to let her out.

Cassandra sets a hand on my arm. “It’s okay. I told Daddy, I mean, Spence, errr…your brother, not to let Isaac come up here. You can relax.”

I glance at the rows of dresses. It’s not just Isaac I’m not ready to reveal myself to. I’m not hip on Spence or Ben seeing me experimenting, either. Ben is like a second brother. Even though they’re older than me, that doesn’t mean I want to share something so personal with either of them.

Alice has been in. She left us a tray of sandwiches and tiny cakes on the small table Cassandra has in this playroom so she can color, draw, or create art projects. It’s adorable—white with two pretty white chairs. It’s not small like for a child, but it’s smaller than adult-sized. I’d say it’s average female-sized.

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