Page 14 of Chasing Amber

“You want me to tell her about the conversation you and I just had?”

“Fuck, no.”

“Then I’m not going to tell you about the one I’m about to have with her.”

“Fine.”

“Later.” Spence ends the call. I’m left standing in the silent living room, wondering how my life got this far off balance.

CHAPTER 5

Amber

I can hear him out there. It’s distracting me and making it difficult to concentrate. I usually tune Isaac out completely when I’m working, but I’m not in the right headspace today. I’m uncertain where the two of us stand.

Will he heed my warning and pretend last night never happened? Or will he narrow his eyes and silently make me cower? He can do that. He has done it many times.

I stare at my blank canvas. I’m still shaking from what happened last night. I’m such a brat. I probably made things worse when I confronted him. I just wanted to go back to before—before he saw me vulnerable and crossed a line.

Why can’t he see that I need things to stay the same? That I’m too chicken to change them?

I’m not dumb. I know I can’t keep going like this forever, but I want to. I want to live in a bubble where Isaac is always nearby but I never let him all the way in so I can’t get hurt.

I don’t even know what I’m afraid of. It’s not rational. He’s not going to leave me. He’s proven that time and again. But Ikeep poking and testing him. I keep nudging him toward the door. Won’t he eventually decide I’m not worth it? If the roles were reversed, I’d be long gone.

It’s all so complicated. Keeping him at arm’s length is simple. It keeps my heart from being involved. Doesn’t it? Of course not. I’m lying to myself. My heart has been involved from the moment I first met Isaac. This game we play is a habit. It’s my comfort zone.

He’s right outside this door. He’s probably cooking something for me. The man is the only reason I eat most days. He’s a barrier between me and all things bad. No one is going to come into my apartment and get past him to me.

I usually zone out when I work. I do so knowing that even though an earthquake probably wouldn’t yank me out of my concentration, I don’t have to worry about forces of nature or bad guys because Isaac is here to protect me from both.

I’m a bitch. I close my eyes and rub my temples. Millie’s words keep coming back to me over and over again on repeat.Amber, nobody works twenty-four-seven for any amount of money. Not unless they’re getting something else out of it.

Suddenly, I wonder how much my brother pays Isaac and what the man uses the money for. He must be stockpiling it. Maybe he tolerates me simply because the money is good.

I groan. I’m making shit up. It’s ridiculous. My mind is running rampant with crazy tangents.

I grab my phone and text my brother.

How much do you pay Isaac?

Seconds tick by before I get a response.

What’s going on? Why are you asking?

Now I’m frustrated. Why can’t he just answer me? Isaac technically works for me, doesn’t he? I mean, Spence hired all my bodyguards, and he’s the one who pays them out of our inheritance… So, I guess Isaac really works for both of us. I rarely ask my brother about our inheritance. It’s there. He gives me anything I ask for.

But this is bothering me.

Amber… What’s up with you? I’m worried. Why don’t you come over today? Cassandra would love to see you. She’s been nagging me for weeks.

I stare at my phone, chewing on my bottom lip. I adore Cassandra. We’ve spent some time together, but not a lot. We even went out to lunch once, but Isaac and Ben were with us. They sat in the same booth, pinning us in like children.

That’s not really fair. Their job is to keep us safe. I get it, but I like to whine about it. It’s my schtick.

I continue to stare at my phone. I’d love to see Cassandra. Maybe it would take my mind off things. The problem is that Cassandra is Little. She doesn’t really pop out of the role often, and certainly not when she’s at home. Which means I would most likely get sucked into her Little space.

The idea makes my heart race with excitement while simultaneously scaring me to death. Did I not just twelve hours ago promise to stuff my Little into a box at the top of the closet and never let her out again?

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