Page 55 of Impressing Brett

Girlfriend…

Am I?

After tonight, I doubt he’ll still want to be in a relationship with me. I meant what I said earlier. I’m not going to indulge my kink again. It’s too stressful. I’d always be looking over my shoulder. I’ll never trust my surroundings again.

I shudder at the thought of playing like I did the other night at Surrender. So many people saw me. Any one of them could do something to ruin my life. People are not kind creatures.

I need to walk a vanilla path in life. It’s safer. If there’s nothing to blackmail me with, no one can do so.

I’m being greedy, snuggling up to Brett like this tonight. I’m giving him false hope. I told him I wouldn’t let my Little out again, but I know he doesn’t believe me.

Brett is a Daddy. He needs that in his life. I can’t ask him to give it up because of my insecurities. That would be cruel. I will have to let him go, but right now, I just can’t. It’s selfish of me, I know.

However, part of me is so lonely. Even the thought of going backward to the way things were before I stepped into Brett’s home for the first time makes me cringe. I hate this world. Fucking judgmental people everywhere. Why can’t people just mind their own fucking business and let others live their lives?

My body is slowly relaxing now that I’m pressed against Brett. It would be even better if we didn’t have so many clothes on, but that’s out of the question. Isn’t it? I’m still so stiff. My entire body is going to hurt tomorrow.

Suddenly, I know what I need. I know what would help me unwind and relax. It’s not sex. I sit upright and stare down at Brett’s confused face in the dim light.

His brow is furrowed. “What’s wrong, baby?”

I kind of hate him calling me baby. It’s sweet and caring, and he means well, but I like the way he calls me Little lamb more. It’s an endearment meant totally for me. He’s not using it because he thinks it will upset me. He might be right. I don’t want him pressuring me to be Little. That would infuriate me. It’s my fault. I told him earlier not to call me that.

“I’m a selfish bitch, but will you spank me?”

His brows draw even closer together. “If you ever call yourself a selfish bitch again, I’ll do more than spank you. I’ll paddle your ass and stand you naked in a corner for half the fucking day,” he growls.

I don’t want to get into that with him. I just want him to spank me. It will chase away my nervous twitching so I can sleep. Spanking isn’t something only Littles enjoy. Most of the BDSM community practices some form of impact play. Age-play participants don’t own spanking. I can let him spank me and not slide into Little space.

“Please, Brett. It will help me relax.”

He smooths his hand on my back. “Are you sure? You’ve been through a lot tonight. I’m not sure you’re in the right frame of mind to make such a request.”

“You said yourself that a lot of people enjoy spankings as a way to relieve stress. That’s what I need.”

He rises onto an elbow and cups my face, stroking my cheek. “Lacy…”

“Brett, I know what I’m asking for,” I insist.

“I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you.”

“Then don’t use a belt buckle,” I half tease.

He rolls his eyes. “I’m not talking about physically. I would never injure you physically. I’m talking about, emotionally. Sometimes, people aren’t in the right frame of mind to consent.”

“This isn’t a rape trial, Brett. It’s a spanking scene between consenting adults.”

He groans again. “Lacy…”

“Please. I know what I’m asking for. I promise.”

He rises to sit and cups my face with both hands. “I’ll do it on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You promise to use a safeword the moment it’s not working for you.”

We haven’t spoken of safewords before. “Okay,” I whisper. “Red?”

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