Page 72 of Sweet Surrender

He shook his head and took a sip of his water.

“Anyway,” he went on. “After we graduated, we agreed that I would work at the farm and she would work at the old diner, until we had enough money to move to the city.”

Becca nodded.

“I think my parents hoped she would change her mind,” he said. “When we got married, they gave us the house the boys and I are living in now. But Brandy wasn’t impressed. She knew what she wanted.”

“I can relate to that,” Becca said.

“You sure can,” Zane told her. “At any rate, we had decided not to have kids until later, until we had our new life set up.”

Becca nodded.

“Well, our plan didn’t exactly work,” Zane admitted, looking down at his hands. “And that was probably the beginning of the end.”

“She didn’t want a child yet,” Becca said, nodding. She could understand that.

“On the surface, yeah,” Zane said. “But I think we might have survived just that. The problem was me.”

That didn’t ring true, Zane was a kind and patient man. Becca couldn’t imagine him reacting resentfully to an unplanned pregnancy. She searched his eyes, but he was looking out the window into the distance.

“I really wanted children,” he said softly. “And I didn’t want to leave home. I was so happy that I was going to be a dad. And it was so hard to hide it from her.”

“Oh,” Becca said.

“Me trying to cover up my own feelings, at the time when she needed me most was the end of us,” he said, his voice so deep and sad. “She saw through me anyway. And I felt awful, like I had made it all happen on purpose, or that I didn’t care about her dreams.”

“But you would never do that,” Becca said suddenly.

“Thanks,” he said, his eyes moving to hers again. “There were times when she made me doubt myself. And when we found out it was twins… Well, to me it was a miracle, like a sign that it was all meant to be. And of course, Tripp and I are close in age, so we’re very tight with each other. I could justseeour two children going through life having each other’s backs like we always did.”

He stopped for a moment, his eyes haunted again.

“But she told me her life was over,” he went on after a moment. “It was devastating. The ultrasound tech left the room, and I didn’t know what to say, or what to do.”

Becca nodded, tears stinging her eyes.

“But we did what we had to do,” he said after a moment. “We went on. There was a baby shower and she smiled and played along, but I could feel her pain. She felt trapped and there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. Then one night she went into labor early—way, way too early.”

Becca put a hand to her mouth, feeling his fear even now, years later, when they both knew the boys were fine.

“She was so brave at the hospital,” he said. “They tried to stop her labor, but the boys had other plans. They were so tiny, they hardly seemed like babies at all—so tiny and pink, and so frail. But they were ours, and to me they were beautiful. All I wantedwas to do whatever it took to help them grow up healthy and strong.”

Becca nodded. She didn’t have to tell him that he’d done all that and more.

“It must have been hard for her to see them like that,” she said after a moment.

“I’ll never know,” he said. “She was in her bed for a day or two. I went back and forth between her room and the NICU. The boys needed so much extra care, so I spent most of my time with them. The nurses said skin to skin contact would help them regulate their body temperature and breathing. I held them as much as the nurses would allow.”

Becca pressed her lips together, trying not to cry.

“Then I came back to see Brandy after the second night, and she just wasn’t there,” he said simply. “She had left a note for me with one of the nurses when she was released. She said she was sorry, but she just couldn’t do it and she hoped I understood.”

“Oh, Zane,” Becca sighed.

“I thought maybe it was the stress of the pregnancy and knowing the boys were at risk,” he said. “I called her again and again, but she never picked up. So, I focused on the boys, and… well, I guess I never stopped. Anyway, she didn’t ask for anything, and I didn’t contest the divorce. When the boys were ready to come home, every trace of their mother was already gone.”

A tear slid down Becca’s cheek in spite of her effort not to let him see how his story was affecting her.

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