Page 57 of Sweet Surrender

At least she hadn’t saidadditional turmoil. Zane knew he had made a fool of himself. And Denise, at least, seemed to think she knew why. And Zane was starting to think she might be right.

But I didn’t listen to her because she’s a beautiful young woman,he argued furiously to himself.I listened to her because I thought she knew best. I thought she had the boys’ best interests in mind.

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur as he tried to pull himself together. He had to face the boys soon, and help them learn and grow from this situation instead of just feeling angry and ashamed at having been caught.

And he had to stop thinking of the way he had crushed their teacher with just a few words.

18

ZANE

Zane looked across the table at Nick the next afternoon, feeling heartbroken for the boy.

They’d had a talk after school yesterday, of course, and Nick had listened to Zane’s speech without saying a word, an expression of shame on his face the whole time.

When he was finished, Zane had asked Nick if he had anything to say, and he buttoned his lip and shook his little head. Zane was proud of the boy for not trying to deny what he’d done. But he had just looked sosad.

Normally, when Nick got into trouble he was either defiant, or he lavishly apologized. Either way, he always had lots to say—to the point that Zane often found himself trying not to let the boy see that he was hiding a smile.

But the silence and shame were something new. Zane was worried they reflected his own feelings too. They both had flown too high and been brought back down. He hoped this wasn’t going to make things even tougher for the boy.

Things were certainly harder now for Zane—having let himself fantasize that he was falling in love. He wasoverwhelmed now with a loneliness that he hadn’t really noticed before.

It must be even harder for this sweet little boy, who had been told for a short time that he was bright and had now been branded a cheater.

“Are you ready for the snowball fight?” Zane asked Nick, hoping that the idea of some fresh air and fun would revive him.

Cal had been helping his grandma with cookies since dawn over at the farmhouse, but Nick hadn’t wanted to go. Instead, he was following Zane like a shadow. Nick hadn’t even wanted to go for a hike on the wooded hillside. The most Zane had been able to coax out of him was a quiet game of chess.

“Well, I’m excited for the snowball fight,” Zane fibbed when Nick didn’t answer right away, trying to keep his spirits up.

“Um, Dad,” Nick said in a small voice.

“What is it?” Zane asked.

“I think maybe I just want to stay home today,” Nick muttered.

Zane felt his heart crack open all over again. Nick was clearly feeling ashamed. He didn’t want to go into town where other people might know he was getting moved back to the other class for cheating. Maybe he also felt like he needed to punish himself a little.

But the thing that troubled Zane most about the whole incident wasn’t that the boy had cheated. Children made mistakes—it was how they learned.

What he didn’t understand waswhyNick had cheated. Nick had never done particularly well in school, but it had never seemed to impact his confidence or his sense of who he was until now.

And to Zane, the cheating meant that Nick suddenly didn’t feel that he was good enough as he was anymore.

“Nick,” Zane said carefully. “Do you know why Uncle Tag does one of the daily milkings?”

“Because you have little boys and no one to help you,” Nick said right away. It sounded like something he must have overheard, and Zane winced a little.

“That’s one of the reasons,” he said. “At least it was at first. But you and your brother are old enough now that I could go down to the barn and leave you on your own or with Grandma, right?”

Nick nodded.

“The reason that I’m still working in the creamery is because we figured out that I’m good at it,” Zane said. “Better than I am at milking, and better than my brothers are with the ice cream. It’s where I belong.”

Nick nodded.

“Uncle Tag is really good with the animals,” Zane said. “It’s where he feels at peace, just like Grandma. And Uncle Tripp gets restless, so he likes filling in tasks and helping out all over the farm, so he doesn’t get bored. Does that make sense?”

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