Page 46 of The Forbidden Secret

He grabbed both of my wrists, and I didn’t realize until there was a pressure at my back that he had cornered me against the front door. He held me, and as I thrashed, he held firm.

“Evelina, I’ll let go when you are calm.”

I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes as the tears continued to fall. Had I been strong for too long? Why would I break down to the man who clearly didn’t care about me and Beatrice?

He pressed his body into mine tightly, forcing me to look at him. “You can be as pissed at me as you want. You can do whatever you want to take that out on me, but don’t hurt yourself.”

I continued shaking, the sobs finally giving way to another wave of that anger.

He surprised me.

He released my wrists and pulled a pistol from a holster at his side. Without hesitation, he pressed it into my hand and pointed the barrel into his own chest. The weight of it jarred me, and as I went to drop it, he held it in place.

“If you want to hurt me—if you want tokillme—do it. Everything I am is yours, Evelina. I’m fucking sorry. So sorry for leaving like that. I was never angry with you. I didn’t know what to do, and I had to get out. I left you alone. I didn’t give you a way to contact me.Idid that, and I should have owned up to it. But sorry doesn’t excuse all of that.”

I shook my head quickly, but he didn’t release the barrel.

“Pull the trigger, Evelina. I deserve it for everything I’ve done. I hurt you, and that’s the one thing I never wanted to do. But I did it anyways.”

He did. He had.

But he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to feel like I had a right to his life.

“Zeke,” I said, pulling the gun from his hand and tossing it aside. “God, Zeke.”

I didn’t know what to do with him so close to me. I couldn’t compartmentalize the way my body craved him and would never stop wanting him. I couldn’t quell the heat that immediately rose in my core as he pinned me in place with his body.

He rested his forehead on mine, and I instinctively wrapped an arm around his waist and drew him closer.

“I should have never left. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking by walking out like that. I… I…” His voice caught. “Fuck, I don’t know what to say.”

Frustration ran through me again, and I released him, pushing at his chest. I didn’t know the best way to reply. I didn’t even know how I wanted to reply until the hateful words left my lips. Words that I know would burn him.

“At least your father was there for his family before he killed them. At least he didn’t walk away and act like they didn’t exist.”

The words hurt coming out, and as I said them and watched the blow land, I knew I had gone too far. I hadn’t just hurt him. From the look of devastation on his face, as he took a step back and walked into his room, I knew the wound I had given him was far deeper.

I had never regretted anything more in my life as I put a hand over my mouth and sank to the floor.

Chapter Nineteen

Zeke Coleman

The words sent a ringing in my ears.

At least your father was there for his family before he killed them.

At least your father was there.

“Fuck,” I yelled before balling my fist and swinging it at the wall. I needed pain to bring me out of this. I needed something more than the emotions and internal dialog of not being good enough. The sting of the wall on my fist that radiated up my arm wasn’t enough as I punched it again.

How had I fucked up so badly?

In an attempt to be the opposite of my father, I had become something else—something that wasn’t much better. Her words rang true. I thought worse about myself than she could ever think about me. I knew I was a monster. I knew I was evil and no good for her.

But when she said that…

I couldn’t think through the roar in my ears.

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