Page 35 of Playing with Desire

“Bullshit.” Rick’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “You have the power to change your future. You just won’t.”

Declan thought about what Dean had said to him the previous night, which had been the equivalent of a job offer. But no matter what Declan might want in this moment, he had obligations to the military, and it was his duty to fulfill them. “It would still mean another couple years with me in combat, finishing out my current contract, and I’m not putting Summer through that. End of fucking discussion.”

Not surprisingly, Rick ignored Declan’s last statement. “I hope you don’t end up with regrets.”

Declan was already overwhelmed with them, not that his emotional state, or the awful ache in his chest, would change his mind about anything.

He glanced at Rick, needing to ask a favor. “Take care of Summer, okay?” He knew he’d all but ripped her heart out, and that was weighing heavily on his mind.

Rick frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’ll see her around,” he said since they were in the same social circles with their mutual friends. “Just... make sure she’s okay while I’m gone.”

Rick went quiet, and Declan reiterated his request a bit more firmly. “Promise me you will.”

“I promise,” Rick finally said, giving Declan at least a small semblance of peace before he took off for his next dangerous assignment for the next year.

Chapter Twelve

For the nextfour months, Summer felt as though she was just going through the motions of day-to-day life. Arriving to work during the week. Evenings spent at home by herself with a microwave meal, then reading a book or watching a show before bed, which resulted in her tossing and turning for an hour or two, thinking about Declan. Hoping he was okay and missing him with every fiber of her being. And wishing that he’d call to see how she was doing and so she could hear his voice again.

Then, it was up in the morning and the mundane cycle started again. Weekends were more of the same, but Saturdays and Sundays felt so much longer and lonelier. With all her close friends in her social circle now married off and focusing on their families and significant others, for the most part, Summer was on her own and trying to figure out the next phase in her life without Declan in it. Because clearly, if he hadn’t reached out to her by now, then she had to face the realization that it most likely wasn’t going to happen at all.

She’d definitely gone through the various stages of heartbreak and learning how to cope with all the emotional baggage that went with it. The day Declan had left for Fort Irwin, she’d wallowed in denial and despair, her crying jags nearly nonstop for the next two weeks. Then came anger, a defense mechanism that helped to mask the deeper pain of losing him, and how easily—in her mind—he’d walked away, even though rationally she knew letting her go had been just as difficult for him. She’d punched her pillow more times than she could count in irritable outbursts and wished it was Declan’s chest she was pounding on, which had helped make her feel a tad better.

Depression and being numb to everything around her had taken hold for a while after that, and now she felt as though she was entering the acceptance phase of her grief. Accepting Declan wasn’t going to call or reach out to her. Accepting he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. And the hardest one of all: accepting she needed to try and move on without him. Possibly attempt to date again, even if her mind kept rejecting the idea. Emotionally, she wasn’t sure she was ready to put herself out there again.

Since Declan’s return to the army, Rick checked in with her frequently through texts to make sure she was doing okay, and at least once a month, he insisted on taking her to dinner, which Summer appreciated. She enjoyed his company and his ability to make her laugh and smile when she felt so empty inside, but sometimes seeing Rick made her remember everything she’d lost, too. And when they parted ways and she returned to the solitude of her tiny studio apartment, that feeling of isolation settled over her like a suffocating blanket all over again. It was a vicious emotional cycle she was beginning to resent.

With it being a Friday, Summer wasn’t looking forward to another miserable weekend all by her pathetic self. It was near closing time at Couture Corset, and she could already feel the dread settling in.

“Any plans for the weekend?” Paige asked, pulling Summer from her dismal thoughts, though her question just made her feel worse because she had absolutely nothing to look forward to.

“Nothing too exciting,” Summer said, trying to sound nonchalant as she cleaned up the scraps of fabric on the cutting table in the back room. “Although I do need to pack up my apartment, but that won’t take long since I don’t have a lot of extraneous stuff.”

To add to the rest of Summer’s distress and upheaval, two weeks ago she’d received a notification that her landlord wouldn’t be renewing her lease at the end of the month. The older man had been apologetic, stating that his grandson needed a place to stay while attending college nearby, which meant Summer was left scrambling to find another apartment she could afford to rent. Paige paid her well, but living in San Diego didn’t come cheap. She liked being able to pay all her bills as well as adding to her savings account every month.

“Have you found another place yet?” Paige asked around the straight pin between her lips as she tacked delicate lace to a custom corset design for Summer to start sewing Monday morning.

Summer shook her head as she folded a large cut of chiffon material. “No. I’m still looking.”

Paige bent low and placed a few more straight pins along the hemline. “You know, if you need a place to stay for a while, you can stay in our guest room. I’m sure Sawyer would be fine with that.”

Summer refused to impose on her friend, who had a husband and toddler at home to take care of. “Thank you for the offer, but I’m sure I’ll find something.” Even if it meant renting a by-the-week motel room until something in her price range came along.

Finished with her pinning, Paige straightened, stretched her back, then came around the table to Summer, her eyes warm and kind. “So... I know this might be a sensitive subject, but the girls and I have been talking, and we all agree that you need another night at The Players Club.”

Summer’s mouth dropped open in shock, and it took her a moment to close it and respond. “What? I can’t do that,” she said automatically.

“Why not?” Paige’s deliberate gaze never wavered. “Declan has been gone four months with no word from him. He’s the one who broke things off with you, and you’ve spent more than enough time mourning the loss.”

Summer couldn’t argue that last statement. At some point she needed to date again, but still... “It just doesn’t feel right.” And she was beginning to wonder if the thought of having another man in her life ever would.

“Honey, it’s not like you’re cheating on him,” Paige said, trying to alleviate Summer’s hesitation. “Women enjoy sex just as much as any man, and the girls and I agree that it’s time for you to get back up on the horse, so to speak.”

Summer laughed at the metaphor. “So, I need to find myself a cowboy?” she teased.

“Whatever rocks your world,” Paige said with a grin, then grew serious once again. “Trust me. The first time putting yourself back out there after an emotional breakup is always the hardest. But I really do think that enjoying a hot night of mindless sex at The Players Club is the first step in putting Declan behind you.”

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