Page 66 of Hook, Line and Single

‘Hmm. OK, maybe he’s legit. I still think it’s risky though. Didn’t your mother ever warn you about going off with strangers?’

‘Referring you back to the part where he’s the chief of police. Anyway, we met his wife and children, had a lovely meal and then stayed in their spare room. She took us to the airport the next morning. They were all really nice, actually. You wouldn’t get hospitality like that in England. It was quite shaming in a way.’

‘Whoa, back up.’

I sigh. ‘What now? Are you going to suggest that Gabriela, his wife, was also some kind of master criminal? I know, maybe she was smuggling drugs in her baby’s nappy. Or she was going to use us as drug mules, before she realised that we didn’t have any luggage to conceal the gear in. Or, just possibly, she was also a nice person who took pity on a couple of strangers like her husband did.’

Sam flaps her hand dismissively. ‘No, I’m sure she was lovely. I’m more interested in the spare room.’

‘Why? It was perfectly ordinary.’

‘And you both slept in there? I take it he was on a couch, or the floor or something.’

‘No. We shared the bed. We are grown-ups.’

‘You shared a bed. With Cameron,’ she repeats slowly.

‘Nothing happened.’ I’ve decided not to tell her about erection-gate.

‘Mm-hm. It’s still a big thing. When was the last time you shared a bed with a guy?’

‘Move on, Sam. There’s nothing to see here.’

‘Fine. So you platonically shared a bed with Cameron and then this lovely lady, who isn’t a criminal and definitely didn’t want to use the two of you as drugs mules, drove you to the airport. Then what?’

‘Then we flew to Nice and got a taxi to Cannes, just in time to see the ship leaving without us for the second time.’

‘Didn’t you get my message?’

‘Yes, but we were already on our way, so it made sense to continue to the port and see if anything could be done.’

‘And did you pick up any random strangers to spend the night with?’

‘We did meet some people, but we stayed in a hotel.’

‘Separate rooms or same room?’

‘You’re getting a bit one-tracked here, Sam. Same room, if you must know. It was cheaper.’

‘And the people you met?’

I bite my lip. Do I tell her about the nudist beach or not? At the time, I was certain I was going to tell her, because it’s the last thing she’d have thought me capable of and I wanted to see her face. Now, with her trying to tease out a sexualised interpretation of my every move, I’m not so sure. And we haven’t even got to the aftersun lotion story yet, which I would actually appreciate her view on. After hesitating for a moment, I decide to take the plunge and fill her in. To my delight, the expression on her face makes it completely worth it.

‘No!’ she exclaims when I’ve told her all about meeting Philippe and Claudine, and my skinny dip in the sea.

‘What are you doing?’ I ask as she begins rummaging through the pillows on the bed.

‘I’m looking for my friend Ruby. It’s clear that you’re some kind of impostor.’

‘Knock it off,’ I say, laughing.

‘Seriously, though. Skinny dipping? Prancing round in the nude with people you’ve only just met?’

‘I can assure you there wasn’t any prancing. We had a swim, we sat and chatted, and we got horribly sunburned.’ I pull down my top a little to show her.

‘Ouch.’

‘Yeah.’ I steel myself and prepare to tell her the bit of the story that I know is going to send her off the deep end. ‘And this is where things got a bit weird. I’d value your opinion, actually.’

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