Page 33 of Hook, Line and Single

‘What do they need rifles for?’

‘Keeping deer under control. Deer play havoc with the crops, and it’s illegal to shoot them with a shotgun. You must use a rifle.’

‘It’s a different world. Oh, look. We’ve arrived.’

We’re standing in a piazza with what looks like an elaborate fountain to our left and the squat form of the cathedral in front of us.

‘The cathedral isn’t as old as it looks,’ Cameron informs me, studying his guidebook. ‘The original building was consecrated in 1197, but that one was pretty much destroyed in an earthquake in 1908. It then sustained more damage in the war, so the building we’re looking at is basically a twentieth-century reconstruction.’

‘What about the clock?’ I ask.

‘Same thing. It was built in 1933 to replace the original. It’s pretty clever though. There are seven layers of figures facing the square, and all of them move at different times.’

‘I remember reading that. Are any of them likely to move while we’re here?’

‘Not the bottom ones, as they only change once a day. We should get to see the next one up though, as that changes every quarter of an hour.’

‘What is it?’

He consults the guidebook again. ‘The carousel of the ages of life. So we have a child, a young man, a warrior and an old man. According to this, the figure of death waves his scythe at them when they change. Should be fun.’

I look at my watch. ‘Ten minutes until the next change. What else have we got?’

‘The layer above that is the sanctuary of the Madonna, and that changes at midday. We might see that later if we’re still here. Then we’ve got Biblical scenes that change four times a year, and another Madonna who receives a letter from an angel at midday. It all happens at midday, according to this. So Dina and Clarenza, above the Madonna there, ring the bells every quarter hour but the rooster between them flaps its wings at midday, and the lion at the very top also waves its flag, moves its tail, turns its head and roars three times at midday.’

‘Something tells me we need to be here then.’

‘Absolutely.’ He looks up at the tower and I’m struck by the way the sunlight catches his eyes, making them almost luminous. ‘Did you want to go and see about climbing the tower?’ he asks, oblivious to my staring. ‘Apparently, the views from the top are quite something.’

Unfortunately for us, it turns out that the tower is closed today for cleaning and maintenance, so we retire to a coffee shop that was recommended by one of my guidebooks and order espressos and pastries instead.

‘Do you mind me asking why you’re an amber badge?’ Cameron asks as I take a sip of my coffee, savouring the intense flavour.

‘This whole cruise was Sam’s idea,’ I explain. ‘She never mentioned anything about it being a singles thing.’

‘Ah. From your tone of voice I’m guessing you weren’t enthusiastic about it when you found out.’

‘No.’

‘But surely you must have smelled a rat when you had to write your bio and submit a picture? I’m no expert, but I don’t think that’s normal on a cruise holiday.’

‘I didn’t submit my bio, Sam did.’

He laughs. It’s a rich, deep laugh that makes me smile. ‘Tell me,’ he asks. ‘Does she always run rings around you like this? I mean, you seem a very smart woman, so I have to admit I’m surprised.’

‘Thankfully, no. And I hope she’s got the message that I might inflict serious injury on her if she ever pulls a stunt like this again. Would that make me ineligible for a shotgun licence?’

‘Too right it would. Anyway, when did you twig?’

‘Pretty much as soon as I met Orange Barry, but by then it was too late to escape.’

‘Never mind Friends of Marco Polo, I think Barry would fit in better with the Friends of Dorothy.’

‘What is cruising’s obsession with this “Friends of” concept? I saw something for the “Friends of Bill” in the daily programme. Who on earth are they?’

‘I think it all stemmed from the Friends of Dorothy thing. That was the code word for gay meetings on board ships back in the day.’

‘What day?’

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