Page 82 of Hook, Line and Single

‘I really am sorry, Ruby,’ he begins eventually.

‘I’m the one who should be sorry,’ I tell him. ‘It wasn’t very mature of me to run away like that.’

‘I know I’ve probably ruined everything, but if there was a way to salvage a friendship from this, I’d like to try. That’s assuming you want it, of course.’

This is it. Decision time. I could take the easy route and say yes, of course we can be friends, but I know that’s not what I want. The problem is that I’m no closer to knowing whether he still wants more or whether my reaction last time has put him off. I need to know how he feels before I say my piece. I may be ready to open up and be vulnerable, but not if he’s changed his mind.

‘Let me ask you a question,’ I begin. ‘On Monday, you said you’d fallen for me. Is that still true?’

‘How the hell am I supposed to answer that?’ he exclaims. ‘If I say yes, then you’ll run a mile, and if I say no…’

‘If you say no…’ I prompt him.

He sighs, stops walking and turns to face me. ‘I’d be lying. I’m sorry, Ruby, but I can’t help how I feel. What I can help is what I do about it. If friends is all we’ll ever be, I’ll take that. It’s still better than not having you in my life at all.’

I’m almost overwhelmed with relief. He still feels the same. Somehow, however, I still can’t quite bring myself to open my heart to him.

‘Hardly fair on you, though,’ I point out, trying to buy time. ‘So I would get to skip about, waving the “just friends” flag, while you had to bury your true feelings just to give me what I want? That doesn’t sound very healthy to me.’

‘That’s my issue to deal with,’ he says firmly, ramming his hands into his pockets. ‘I ruined everything on Monday by being selfish. You were always clear that friendship was all you wanted, and yet I still pushed for more. This is all my fault. You have no idea how much I wish I’d never said anything.’

He looks crestfallen. Shit. This is going in completely the wrong direction now. I need to rescue the situation fast.

‘No,’ I tell him just as firmly. ‘You should never hide your feelings. That’s not healthy either.’

‘So what do we do?’

I take a deep breath and prepare to bare my soul. ‘I have an idea, but I need to tell you a few things first, so you understand what you’re getting yourself into, OK?’

* * *

Thankfully, the story proves easier to tell the second time around, helped by the fact that Cameron listens attentively without interrupting. In the end, I don’t leave anything out and, by the time I’ve finished, the pub is forgotten and we’re sitting on a bench overlooking the sea. The light is fading and the wind is cold, so we’re huddled together watching the waves in silence. Every so often, the rhythmic swishing from the beach is joined by the noise of a passing car or a burst of conversation as the early-evening guests arrive for dinner at The Mermaid, a little further up the road. I feel drained but safe with him by my side. I’d love for him to reach out and put his arm around me, but he’s lost in his own thoughts. ‘I don’t know what to say,’ he tells me after a while. ‘I mean, there are so many things I want to say, but none of them are particularly helpful and most of them just sound trite. I completely understand why you were so spooked on Monday now, and I guess my only question is whether there’s anything I can do. I mean, I know there probably isn’t, but I could maybe track Olly down and have him arrested on some trumped-up charge, if you like.’ His mouth lifts in the faintest hint of a smile, and it’s all I can do not to reach out and trace the contours of his lips with my finger.

‘Nice offer,’ I reply instead, ‘but I’m not sure that it’s ethical.’

‘I will say this then. It takes someone truly amazing to go through all of that and come out as strong as you have.’

This is enough to give me the courage I need. ‘I don’t know about that,’ I tell him. ‘But I’d like to return to the question I asked earlier. Given what you know now, do you still feel the same about me?’

‘Of course I do, but that doesn’t matter. It’s about you, and I completely understand how you feel, and why you feel that way. I won’t mention it again, as long as we can still be friends. Do you think that’s possible?’

‘I’m sure it’s possible,’ I tell him, feeling nervous as I prepare to come clean. ‘But I’m not sure it’s what I want.’

His face falls again. ‘OK, I understand,’ he interrupts.

‘Let me finish. I’m not sure it’s what I want, because Sam has helped me realise that it’s time to leave the past behind. If you’re prepared to be patient with me and put up with the occasional wobble, I’d like to see where this could go.’

‘Are you saying…?’

‘Yes, Cameron. I am.’

‘Oh, wow.’

I smile. ‘I think you’re supposed to kiss me now. That’s if you still want to, of course.’

He doesn’t need telling twice, and relief floods through me as he leans over and brushes my lips with his. This is nothing like our kiss on the cruise. Even though his face is cold from the wind, the feel of his lips against mine is causing heat to flood through me.

‘I think it’s time to get out of here, don’t you?’ I ask him when we finally break apart, some time later.

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