Page 8 of Hook, Line and Single

‘No, thank you,’ I say firmly, cutting him off.

‘Oh, I get it,’ he says after a brief pause, his mouth curving into a lascivious smile. ‘You’re a vagitarian.’

‘A what?’

‘You don’t like the male meat, you’re a rug muncher, a bean flicker. Tell me, have you and Sam ever… you know?’

Before I have an opportunity to tell him exactly what I think of him, his misogynistic terminology and his general demeanour, Sam appears. She’s made a real effort, and my heart goes out to her because it’s clear to me that the only way Peter Stockley has changed is that he’s become even more brazen.

‘Wow,’ Peter says when he sees her, smoothly changing tack from pervert to charmer. ‘You look stunning, Sam. Any guy would be proud to be seen out with you, so I feel very lucky.’

She shoots me a triumphant ‘told you so’ look, before turning to address him.

‘I’ve had this dress for ages, it’s nothing special,’ she tells him modestly.

‘It really suits you, brings out the colour of your eyes,’ he replies, and I’m horrified to see that she’s actually buying his bullshit, as she smiles at him. I need to warn her about the person he really is, and fast.

‘Sam, can I borrow you for a minute before you disappear?’ I ask her, taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen.

‘I’m really sorry, Sam, and this has nothing to do with our bet,’ I tell her quietly when I’m sure we’re out of earshot. ‘He hasn’t changed at all; in fact, I think he’s worse.’

I fill her in quickly on the details of my conversation, finishing with his unanswered question about whether the two of us ever got it on.

‘You’re kidding,’ she says in horror when I finish. ‘But he was so nice earlier.’

I need to draw him out with Sam in the room, I realise, beginning to wrack my brain for a plan. But Sam is quicker than me.

‘Do you mind if we do a role play so I can double-check your story?’ she asks. ‘It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that The Mermaid is expensive, so I’d like a bit of corroborating evidence before I kick him into touch.’

‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Just go with it. We’re going to set Pete a little test.’

I follow her out into the sitting room, where Pete is still looking completely relaxed.

‘Sorry about that,’ Sam says smoothly to him. ‘Ruby was just in a bit of a fluster because you’d cottoned on to our little sapphic secret. You don’t mind, do you?’

He looks like Christmas has come.

‘Mind?’ he says. ‘Of course not. Actually, I think it’s hot.’

‘Do you? So many boys are threatened by it, but it’s just a bit of fun, isn’t it, Ruby?’

‘Absolutely,’ I concur. ‘I’m sure you know what it’s like, Pete, when two women share a flat and hit the peak of their cycle together with no man around. And, as I’ve often said to Sam, who knows how to please a woman better than another woman? In fact, if you like, I can teach you a few tricks that I know drive Sam absolutely wild. You know, in case you get lucky later.’

‘Would you?’ He’s leaning forwards and practically salivating. ‘I’m not very good at following verbal instructions, so you might have to, ah, show me.’

‘Are you saying you’d like to watch us?’ Sam asks, widening her eyes.

‘Fuck yeah,’ Pete practically bellows, all pretence now out of the window.

‘Wouldn’t you find that difficult though?’ she persists. ‘Watching and not joining in?’

‘As long as I could, you know, touch myself.’

I’m slightly sick in the back of my throat, but force myself to keep smiling.

‘He could join in, I suppose,’ Sam says thoughtfully, as if she’s really considering it. ‘What do you think, Ruby?’

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