‘Umm. I’m actually in the middle of talking to Cameron,’ I reply mildly. ‘Can it wait?’
‘No. I’m in full-on crisis mode and I need my best friend this instant. It’s an emergency, for God’s sake.’
‘Has someone died?’
‘No.’
‘Is anyone critically ill?’
‘No. Why are you being so obtuse?’
‘Because I’m trying to ascertain what on earth could be so important that it requires me to abandon my tour buddy and this rather delicious drink.’
‘It’s Robin.’
‘Has he had an accident?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘You haven’t fallen out with him, have you?’
‘No. Well, not exactly. I’ve found out what his job is.’
‘OK. Unless it’s something highly illegal or Mafia related, I’m still not getting emergency vibes. Why don’t you get yourself a drink from the bar, catch your breath and then fill us in.’
‘It is a bloody emergency. You’ll understand when I tell you.’
‘Get a drink first. Go on. Shoo.’
Reluctantly, she turns and heads for the bar.
‘Why wouldn’t you just let her tell you?’ Cameron enquires when she’s safely out of earshot.
‘Because this holiday has been all about her so far,’ I tell him. ‘Why should I drop everything and come running because she’s found out what her boyfriend’s job is? I mean, how bad can it be? He’s probably an accountant or something completely harmless, and she’s just got herself in a stew because it’s not the swanky career she imagined. She’s prone to drama, so hopefully giving her a simple task will calm her down a little.’
After a minute or so, Sam returns with a glass of white wine the size of a goldfish bowl and plonks herself on the end of my sun lounger.
‘Right. Take a deep breath, have a mouthful of wine, and then tell us what the problem is,’ I say to her.
To my surprise, she gulps down nearly half the liquid before she speaks. ‘He’s a vicar,’ she says baldly.
‘What?’ I ask in surprise. None of the options playing around in my head had come close to that.
‘You heard. He’s a fucking vicar, Ruby. I mean, only I could pull off something like this, right? I swear off preachy church people and promptly start dating someone who’s not only a church person, but preaching is literally his job. He should have been upfront with me, not drop it on me when I’m already falling for him. This is so fucking unfair.’
‘I can understand why he didn’t want to tell you,’ Cameron observes mildly. ‘I mean, he said that people tended to judge him because of what he does for a living and, I hope you don’t mind me being direct, but that’s kind of what you’re doing, isn’t it?’
Sam glares at him.
‘Cameron’s got a point,’ I add hastily before she says anything regrettable. ‘He wanted you to get to know him as a person, without the vicar stuff getting in the way. Is that so wrong? I mean, you’re falling for him as a person, and the fact that he’s a vicar doesn’t actually change that, does it? He’s still the same guy.’
‘Yes, but it can’t work, can it? I mean, I’m not religious. And there’s the whole “no sex before marriage” thing that his sort are so hot on. No wonder he kept slowing me down. I should have realised why. God, I’m such a fool.’ She takes another big swig of wine and lowers her forehead into her palm. ‘I even told him about some of my past relationships. He must think I’m such a slut.’
‘OK, stop,’ I tell her firmly. ‘Let’s go back and unpick this properly before you turn it into a spiral of doom. When did he tell you?’
‘Lunchtime. We were at this tiny restaurant sharing a deliciouspaella, and he said, “Sam, I think it’s time you knew what my job is. I told you I lived in Dorking, and that’s true. I’m actually the vicar of three small churches just outside the town.”’
‘And what did you say?’