Page 34 of Hook, Line and Single

‘No idea. Presumably when being gay was still frowned upon. Anyway, the Friends of Bill are the Alcoholics Anonymous members. Being on a cruise ship literally surrounded by booze is probably fairly triggering for them, so the Friends of Bill meetings are there to help keep them on track.’

‘And who was Bill?’

‘Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, I think.’

‘You’re a mine of information.’

He smiles. ‘I try.’

‘OK, your turn. Why are you an amber badge?’ I ask.

‘In my case, I have to confess to shamefully not reading the small print. I had some holiday to use up and booked this as a spur-of-the-moment thing. A mate of mine at work is always going on cruises and banging on about how brilliant they are, and being part of a group sounded more fun than just sitting around by myself on a beach somewhere. Unlike you, I knew it was a singles cruise, but I didn’t realise it was a dating thing. I just thought we’d be a group of people hanging out together so we weren’t on our own.’

‘Ah. When did the penny drop for you?’

‘As soon as I read the booklet and saw the traffic light information, I knew I was in trouble. The moment I got to the Singles Mingle, I found Barry and grabbed myself an orange badge. I’d have got a red one if I could, but?—’

‘Yeah, I know,’ I interrupt. ‘I tried that too. Didn’t the bio thing make you suspicious?’

‘Nope. Because I knew it was a singles thing, unlike you, I just thought it was a nice way of getting to know a bit about the other people in the group.’

‘OK, so I understand why you didn’t realise it was a dating thing either. But don’t you want to meet someone?’

‘I could ask you the same question.’

‘We’re not talking about me.’

He sighs. ‘It’s complicated. I was in a long-term relationship that finished a couple of months ago.’

‘Ah, and you’re not over him or her.’

‘Her, and I am, or at least I think I am. It was toxic at the end, so I think we were both relieved when she called it. It’s just that we’d known each other since we were small, and the idea of starting completely from scratch with someone new seems too daunting. What if I’ve got loads of bad habits that didn’t annoy Ellie, but would drive every other woman in the world round the twist? What if we don’t click like Ellie and I did? It all terrifies me.’

‘Wouldn’t you want to meet someone though? Or do you think that’s it? Ellie was your person and now you’re destined to be single forever.’

‘I don’t want to be single forever, but I’m still fairly bruised and not about to rush into anything.’

‘Bad news for Ashleigh.’

‘There’s definitely something predatory about her,’ he says with a frown. ‘She makes me feel like a seal in one of those wildlife documentaries. I’m sitting on the ice floe hoping desperately she won’t tip me into the sea and devour me.’ He shudders.

‘So we can rule her out then.’

‘Definitely, but I have always hoped I’d meet the right person and start a family one day. It’s the “how” that I’m struggling with.’

‘I think the “how” of starting a family hasn’t changed in millennia,’ I tell him with a grin. ‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out.’

He smiles. I like his smile; it lights up his whole face. ‘I meant the “how” of meeting someone new and knowing if they’re right for me. Anyway, enough about me. What about you?’

‘I’m happy as I am,’ I tell him, trotting out my well-worn mantra. ‘I’ve had relationships in the past, but nobody’s ever lit that fire inside me that makes me want to be with them forever. Also, if the people that Sam has been dating recently are anything to go by, the quality of the men out there is pretty depressing.’

‘Do you see yourself staying single forever?’

‘I don’t know. There’s just enough Disney princess in me that the idea of falling in love appeals, but the reality has always fallen short. It would need to be someone very special, I think.’

‘A Disney prince, perhaps.’

‘God, no! They’re so annoying, aren’t they? All floppy hair, perfect noses and huge eyes. No, I’d settle for someone who was ordinary looking, as long as they had something special about them.’

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