Page 31 of Hook, Line and Single

‘Great question, Sam,’ Barry enthuses. ‘Who would you like to answer it first?’

‘Number one, I think.’

‘OK. Gentleman number one, please answer Sam’s question.’

‘Hi, Sam,’ a deep voice with a strong Welsh accent says from behind the screen. ‘You sound like a lady who knows how to enjoy herself. Pick me tonight, and I’ll show you such a good time I promise you’ll die with a smile on your lips when your turn comes.’

There’s a mixture of groaning and applause from the audience at the cheesiness of the response.

‘Number two, please?’ Sam calls.

‘Hi, Sam. I love the sound of your voice, so I know that I’d feel most alive wherever you were.’

‘Oo, bit needy,’ Cameron murmurs as the audience applauds.

‘And number three,’ Sam announces.

‘Hi, Sam. I was also in Pompeii today, and I know exactly what you mean. Life is as fragile today as it was when Vesuvius erupted. That’s why I’ve taken the plunge and come on this cruise and, if you pick me, I promise I won’t waste any of your precious time.’

‘Oh, good answer,’ I say to Cameron.

‘Question two,’ Sam announces. ‘I share a flat with my best friend and the handsomest cat in Kent. If I brought you home to meet them, what would you do to create a good impression? I’d like number two to answer this one first.’

‘Well, Sam,’ the voice says. ‘I’m more of a dog person myself but it’s a well-known fact that cats and dogs can live in perfect harmony as long as the cat is in charge. So, if you’re happy to take control, I’ll be right at your heel.’

‘Eeuww,’ I say to Cameron. ‘She won’t like that. Not only did he not answer the question, but she’s really not into submissive men.’

‘I’ll take your word for it,’ he replies with a smile.

‘Number one. What’s your answer?’ Sam asks.

‘I love cats, Sam, and I’d be happy to stroke your pussy all night if it made you happy.’

The audience groans at the double-entendre, and I can see Sam rolling her eyes theatrically at Barry.

‘Moving on swiftly, number three,’ Sam calls.

‘I’ve got a cat myself, so I know they need time and space to warm up to you. To begin with, I’d focus on getting to know your friend, until the cat felt ready to come and talk to me.’

‘Oh, he’s good,’ Cameron says. ‘I’m not sure he’s got the humour part, but they’re nice answers.’

‘Final question,’ Sam calls. ‘I’m a redhead, so I burn easily in the sun. What would you do to protect me? Number one.’ I can see her bracing herself for the answer and, when it comes, she’s proved absolutely right.

‘That’s easy,’ the voice says. ‘Firstly, if you pick me, we won’t be leaving your cabin so you won’t need to worry about the sun. However, we’ll have such a sizzling time that I can’t guarantee you won’t get some carpet burns.’

‘Dear God,’ I murmur to Cameron. ‘I didn’t think that people like him still existed. Actually, scrap that. I have met a few of his type, mainly Sam’s exes.’

‘Hmm. Number two?’ Sam asks.

‘I also burn really easily, and I’d be happy to share my suncream, and anything else, with you.’

‘Number three?’

‘I think the trick is not to spend too much time in the sun. So I’d plan regular breaks for coffee, maybe a long lunch in the shade, ice creams, and a cocktail by the pool at the end of the day. Maybe even a dip to cool off if we’re both feeling hot and bothered.’

‘That brings us to the end of your questions,’ Barry announces. ‘You’ll be spending a dream day with one of these men tomorrow. Which is it going to be?’

‘Easy decision,’ Sam tells him with a smile. ‘I pick number three.’

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