Page 26 of Hook, Line and Single

Note: Guests are free to change their traffic light colours at any point. Just ask your helpful Marco Polo group leader for a new badge.

That’s job number one then. Find Barry and swap my orange badge for a red one. If I do that, this might actually be bearable. I turn the page and find myself staring at the profile of a man with dark hair and dark brown eyes behind glasses. The page title tells me that this is Robin Andrews. As well as the picture, there’s a short bio. A niggle of doubt starts to form in my mind again as I flip to the end to find Sam Thorncroft and read her bio, which is much as she described it a week ago. My heart is in my mouth as I continue to turn the pages. Sure enough, I come across an entry for Ruby Johnson. The picture is one Sam took of me when we had dinner at The Mermaid, but my eyes fall instantly to the text.

Raven-haired Ruby would describe herself as kind, trustworthy and loyal, but there’s a whole lot more to this curvy beauty from the seaside town of Margate in Kent. As you’d expect from a bookshop owner, she’s good with words. A sharp, sassy chick who will swiftly cut you down to size if you don’t measure up, Ruby is no fool when it comes to matters of the heart. You’ll need to be someone truly special to steal the heart of this fiercely independent woman. Take the time to get to know her, however, and you’ll have made a friend, or even more, for life.

Suddenly, Sam’s questions a week ago about how I’d describe myself make complete sense. Killing her would be too easy. I’m going to chop her up and turn her into shark bait.

10

‘Are you ready to explore our new home?’ Sam practically sings as I open the door to her a little while later.

‘You might not live that long,’ I growl, shoving the open booklet with my bio at her. ‘What the bloody hell is this?’

To my amazement, she’s totally unrepentant as she takes the booklet and studies the bio. ‘I’m rather pleased with that, actually.’

‘Pleased?Apart from the fact that it’s without a doubt the most cringeworthy description of me I’ve ever seen, it has no business whatsoever being there.Fiercely independent? Raven-haired curvy beauty?You make me sound like a cross between an ogre and a stripper!’

‘It was a condition of being in the group, so I had to do it. Did you like the way I took your words and spiced them up? It’s basically everything you told me only, you know, better.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt so objectified.’

‘Why? I might have mentioned your physical attributes, but most of it was about your personality.’

I take the booklet back. ‘Yeah, about that.A sharp, sassy chick who will swiftly cut you down to size?Still making me sound like a monster.’

‘You are sassy though, and you don’t take any nonsense. I played up that it was worth spending time to get to know you; didn’t you like that bit at least?’

I soften a little. ‘Yeah, I guess that bit wasn’t too bad.’

‘Anyway,’ she tells me, sensing a chink in my armour, ‘it doesn’t matter, because I put you down for an amber badge, so people know you’re not immediately in the market.’

‘Let’s be very clear on one thing, Sam,’ I tell her firmly. ‘I’m not in the marketat all. In fact, as soon as I see Orange Barry, I’m going to swap my badge for a red one.’

‘He’ll be at the Singles Mingle. You can swap it then.’

‘Nice try, but wild horses wouldn’t drag me to that. I’ve decided to go to the sail away party instead.’

‘Really? I was hoping you’d be my wing woman and general jerk filter.’

‘Uh-uh. You don’t deserve a wing woman. You’ve brought this completely on yourself.’

I can sense her trying to decide whether to push me any further, before she wisely decides that it’s probably a bad idea.

‘Shall we explore then?’ she says. ‘We’ve got an hour before departure.’

Despite my irritation with her, I’m still excited about the holiday, so I plaster on a smile. ‘Why not?’ I reply.

* * *

It’s fair to say that, even with the maps provided and all the signs, Sam and I struggled to find our way around to begin with. However, after a few wrong turns and dead ends, we started to get the hang of it and, by the time we made it back to our cabins, we were getting fairly confident. The high point of the tour, for me, was our visit to the concierge desks. Although they were still busy, an idea had struck me as we’d arrived in the grand lobby, and I’d dragged Sam over with me.

‘What are you doing?’ she’d asked.

‘I’m going to find out which is the most expensive restaurant on this ship, and then you’re going to book a table and buy me dinner as an apology for setting me up like this.’

She’d smiled. ‘Actually, that seems perfectly reasonable. Lead on.’

In the end, the most expensive restaurant was not only ludicrously beyond our budget, but we’d both agreed, from studying the menu, that it wasn’t our kind of thing anyway. Instead, Sam had booked us into the Italian one, which we both liked the look of very much. We’ve also booked onto a tour of Pompeii tomorrow, as it seemed easier than organising it ourselves. Finally, we picked up a booklet with the details of all the other shore excursions so we can compare them to my own plans and decide which is better. I’m still convinced that Sam is going to drop me like a hot brick as soon as she spots someone that takes her fancy, but she’s adamant that we’ll do all the port excursions together. We’re now leaning over my balcony, watching the flurry of activity below as the ship gets ready to depart. When the last ropes are released, the ship gently starts to ease away from the quay and we enthusiastically join in with the cheering we can hear coming from the other balconies. As it noses out into the channel leading to the open sea, there’s a deafening blast from the horn, which makes both of us jump.

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