Page 10 of Hook, Line and Single

‘I’m going to go to church.’

‘You think you can just rock up on a Sunday morning, ask God for a nice man and he’s going to drop one in your lap? I’m not sure I’d rate that in the top ten of master dating plans, Sam.’

‘No, silly. I’m thinking about the other people who go to church, specifically single men. They’re not allowed to be dickheads, are they. It’s practically in their constitution.’

‘Aren’t they all octogenarians though?’

‘No. Sasha at work was telling me about this church her cousin is part of. It’s a super-church or somesuch. Apparently, it’s full to bursting with people our age, and a lot of them are single. It’ll be like shooting fish in a barrel, according to her. Anyway, I thought I’d go along on Sunday and see. You could come with me.’

‘Uh-uh,’ I tell her firmly. ‘Sunday mornings are sacrosanct for me, as you well know. Plus, in case you’ve forgotten, we’re going to my parents’ for lunch.’

‘Come on. I’m not sure I could walk in there on my own, and the service starts at ten, so we should be done in plenty of time to get to your mum and dad’s.’

‘Sorry, Sam. Sacrificing my Sunday lie in and lengthy bath to sit in a hard pew and listen to someone bang on about hell and judgement is not my idea of a good time.’

‘I think they have chairs.’

‘Still not coming. You’re on your own for this one.’

‘Please?’ she wheedles. ‘I’ll make it worth your while.’

‘How?’ I laugh. ‘You already owe me dinner.’

‘You might meet someone yourself, you never know.’

‘I don’t want to meet anyone. I’m happy as I am.’

‘When did you get so jaded?’

‘I’m not jaded, I’m just perfectly happy with my life as it is.’

‘It was Olly, at uni, wasn’t it? He broke your heart, and you’ve never got over it.’

I’m momentarily floored. Neither of us has mentioned Olly for years and she’s far too close to the truth for comfort. After what happened with him, I made a promise to myself that I’d never allow myself to be that vulnerable with a man again. The break-up with Olly and the events that followed are the only secrets I’ve ever kept from Sam.

‘First, he didn’t break my heart,’ I tell her firmly, trying to throw her off the scent. ‘I think you’ll find it was the other way around. And second, I was already over him, which is why I finished with him, as you well know.’

‘So you say, but there has to be more to the story. Otherwise why would you be single for so long afterwards?’

‘There really isn’t,’ I tell her, keen to shut this down. ‘I got bored with him. The male ego is so fragile, isn’t it? I’m frankly amazed that most of them manage to function as adults at all.’

‘For someone who has had so little to do with them, you’re very down on men as a sex, you know that?’

‘For someone who has had so much to do with them, all of it disappointing, I’m frankly amazed that you manage to be so optimistic about them.’

‘Ouch.’

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to be harsh. I just don’t want to be match made.’

‘Fair enough. Come to church with me though?’

I sigh. ‘You’re not going to let this go, are you?’

‘I wasn’t planning to, no.’

‘Let me just recap your plan. You march in there, dragging me along as your emotional support buddy, and what? You think the single men will form a queue?’

‘No, but I looked at their website. The service runs from ten until half past eleven, and then they have a social time with coffee.’

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