Page 74 of Even if You Fall

He nodded, the movement slow and seeming absentminded. “Thank you for telling me,” he murmured, then pointedly looked at the glass in my hand. “Drink. Rest. I’ll check on you later.”

He slipped his hand from mine and pushed from the bed as he spoke, and before my stunned brain could begin to form a coherent thought, he’d stolen through the room without so much as a backward glance.

When the door shut behind him, I just stared at it, trying to sort through the absolute certainty that his words and thatkiss had been more real than anything else in my life, and the impulsive worry that I’d just fallen for the trap I’d sworn not to.

What’s the problem?

I looked at my dad like he’d missed something so obvious during my explanation of how completely I’d messed up by letting Chloe and I confess things we should’ve left unsaid. Of how much worse I’d made it when I’d all but begged her to cross that line as I’d held her a breath away, then immediately fallen into the kiss when shehad.

A kiss I wanted to relive over and over again...but I couldn’t let it happen again.

“I don’t understand either,” my mom said. “She’s darling.” My dad signed his agreement as Mom continued. “We all adore her and already thought the two of you were together anyway. Now you know she likes you, and you like her. Where’s the problem in that?”

“There’s a reason I don’t date,” I told them and gave my dad a look when he rolled his eyes, my hands’ movements becoming harsher when I added, “A good reason.”

You don’t know you’d do anything to hurt her, he said. When I started responding, he grabbed my shoulder and waited until he knew he had my attention.You don’t know.

“And take that chance?” I shot back, making a face like he’d lost his mind. “Absolutely not.”

“So, your plan is to live a lonely existence and deny yourself a great love, all because?—”

“Mom,” I muttered, letting her know she was getting way ahead of herself.

“All because,” she repeated louder than before, “you’re afraid of what youmightdo. So, then go to therapy and give yourself a chance.” She gestured between Dad and herself. “We’ve told you to go.”

“I went,” I ground out. “It didn’t work.”

Shock filled her eyes before a deep sadness settled there, mirroring my dad’s.

“Oh, honey . . .”

“Don’t,” I softly begged, then glanced over her shoulder to make sure my siblings were all still out of hearing distance and too focused on the game they’d been playing ever since I’d come back out here over an hour before.

Not that I’d stayed. I’d immediately gone on a walk to try and clear my head of the girl I’d left in my childhood room. To remind myselfwhyI couldn’t want her. By the time I’d returned, I’d been chanting all the reasons like a mantra, sure I’d believe them soon enough, and had walked right into my parents’ ambush.

“But now you see why I can’t do this,” I said with a heavy sigh that showed my mantra hadn’t hit its mark just yet. “Not at all, and especially not with Chloe.”

I don’t, my dad signed slowly, sadly.I think you’ve seen traumatic things, and what you deal with because of it is real. But I think your fear of what you might do feeds it and makes it worse.

A smile crossed my face that felt like all bared teeth and pain. “You’re wrong.”

Not that I could say that with any degree of certainty because he was probably right. But again, I hadn’t believed the therapist when he’d said those same words. I hadn’t believed Briggs or Gray. And I wouldn’t believe my parents because it wouldn’t change anything.

The first time I’d had...anincident, it’d freaked me out. The worry that it might happen again had ruled my days until it finally had...and then again and again. I didn’t know how to not be afraid of it. But I knew the idea of putting anyone near me when it could happen absolutely terrified me.

The thought of it being Chloe?

It made me want to get her far from me so I’d never even inadvertently put her in that kind of danger. But even more so now, after learning the truth behind her mask—the eggshells she’d walked on with her parents ever since she was a child. The way they could so easily break around her.

I didn’t want to be another person she felt like she had to cautiously manage.

“I see the way you look at her,” Mom began, but I hurried to stop her before she could continue.

“And I told you that’s why. She’s different,” I said, repeating what I’d already told them earlier. “I’ve known she’s different. But that’s what makes this dangerous, because she wouldn’t be someone I could just walk away from if I let this continue.”

“Then don’t walk away,” she offered as if she hadn’t heard any part of this conversation.

A frustrated laugh crept from me as I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Mom?—”

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