Page 36 of Even if You Fall

Guilt ate at me as my gaze fell to the screen of the phone again. A low, “Yeah,” leaving me as I continued reading.

By the time I was finished, I wasn’t sure what I wanted more: to find Chloe and apologize, or to find Vance so I could unleash every ounce of my hatred for someone so sick and manipulative.

“Before they started dating, she told him she didn’t think it was appropriate that he kept coming to see her and that he’d gotten her number through the school,” I mumbled as I stared at the darkened screen of her phone. “She told him she didn’t like the way he touched her.”

A heaving breath left Gray. “I know.”

“And he made her think it was all okay—that shewantedit.”

“I know, man.” When I looked up, Gray was watching me. “Talking to her now, you’d never know she ever had any objections. I don’t think she remembers any of it that way.”

My head shook as my free hand curled into a fist. “Did you see the texts from today? About something she’d do if he kept showing up at her house?”

“Right.” Gray snapped and pointed at me as if just remembering. “She’s been threatening him with a restraining order. Apparently, he showed up at her house again earlier this week,” he tossed out as if the knowledge didn’t make him want to destroy something the same way it did me, “and when she reminded him she’d file one against him, he said something like,‘You haven’t filed one yet and won’t, but I’d like to see what happens if you try.’ He also pushed his way into the house and kissed her when she tried getting him to leave.”

“What?” The demand snapped from me. “And you left her there?” A harsh sounding laugh tore from my lungs. “Not only did you leave her there, but you left her without a phone.”

Surprised understanding slowly replaced the shock that had settled on Gray’s features. “Think you know I’m not stupid enough to do something like that. She has my phone and the code to get into it. I also waited until Rush arrived to watch the house, since we clearly can’t trust Monroe on this.”

Just as I started relaxing into the chair again, Gray assumed, “This isn’t just a case for you.”

My stare drifted his way, wariness unfurling inside me as I waited for him to continue and hoped he wouldn’t.

“As much as I still wanna punch you for the way you talked to Chloe earlier, I’m starting to understand why you reacted to what she was telling you, just like I’m starting to understand you probably shouldn’t be on this Donut.”

“Gray—”

“Were you just gonna let me keep going after her?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

“It isn’t like that.”

A disbelieving sound left him. “Never seen you react to anyone the way you reacted to her this afternoon. And Briggs already filled me in on you thinking she’s a threat, or whatever—I know you think she’s hiding something. But that’s not whatthisis, and that’s not what happened earlier.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I claimed, the words sounding more like a lie to my own ears than I would’ve liked.

“Right,” he muttered on a scoff. “Been your best friend for a dozen years and know the idea of falling for anyone is an actualfear for you, but, sure...I have no idea what I’m talking about.” Just as I started denying it, he sat back against the couch, stare lifting toward the ceiling as he pretended to think. “What exactly happens when fears collide with anger? Oh...right...” He gave me a dry look as his gaze fell to me again. “People lash out. Like you did.”

Gray and I stared each other down for nearly a minute as he waited for me to relent, and I silently begged him to drop it.

“There’s something about her I don’t trust,” I finally said. “Sheishiding something.”

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug as if he also wasn’t concerned about it. “But I think you don’t wanna trust her because a part of you knows you could easily fall for her, if you haven’t already.”

Just as my head started shaking, he set the laptop aside and lowered his voice. “I get it, Thatch. I know why you’re worried about letting anyone that close to you. But your fear of what could happen only makes the potential of something happening worse.”

I sneered something resembling a laugh as I tossed Chloe’s phone back in his direction, needing to get away from the memories of missions that plagued me at night and the fear that always gripped me when I woke.

I didn’t need Gray repeating words of the doctor Briggs had forced me to see. I hadn’t believed the doctor, and I didn’t believe Gray now. It was just better if my relationships with women remained superficial and didn’t go past what we could offer each other during the hour or so we were together. I wasn’t proud of it, but I couldn’t give them more.

“We’re done with this conversation,” I informed Gray as I scooped up my stylus and tried focusing on my tablet; on the notes I’d taken while reading through Chloe’s messages. “There’s no point in having it because I don’t care about Chloe in that way.”

Weighted silence filled the living room before Gray taunted, “So, if I were to?—”

“Yep,” I said over him, earning a disbelieving hum.

Gray let another minute pass before all-too-casually saying, “So, the fact that Rush is watching her...”

My stylus paused over the screen of the tablet and a muscle in my jaw feathered from the amount of pressure I was putting on it.

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