Page 102 of Even if You Fall

Right.

But other than when I’d taken trips to see my family, I hadn’t put myself in a position to be near anyone when I slept since thisall began. And more than that, sleeping near Chloe—near a baby—scared me more than sleeping in the same house as my family ever had.

Maybe it was the familiarity of it. Maybe it said something about me as a person. I wasn’t sure.

Regardless, I was terrified of what I might do. And as much as I hated admitting it, I knew the fear that had been festering in me all day was only going to increase the possibility of an episode happening.

Still, I found myself saying, “Right.”

“Then maybe nothing will happen,” she said hopefully, her fingers squeezing mine reassuringly.

Once again, she had so much more confidence in me than she had in herself or us. And even though I’d known her doubts would be a slow battle that I’d sworn I wouldn’t push her on, I found myself edging right back into the fight.

“I knew as soon as you started telling me about your sister that you were sharing something not many other people got to know,” I began, voice soft. “I knew itmeant somethingthat you chose to tell me, even more because it was in the middle of you trying to figure out if you could trust me.”

Chloe’s eyebrows drew close as a look passed across her face. Something hovering on the edge of understanding and encouragement, and filled with an adoration I felt in my soul.

“And how many people, other than Lainey and me, know about your parents?” I asked gently, seeming to shock her, given her stunned response.

“What? No.” Her delicate throat shifted as she glanced around us, eyeing the empty living area. When she continued, her voice dropped to a whisper as her fingers curled tighter around mine, as if trying to convey the meaning of her words by touch alone. “No one knows about my parents. I’ve only ever told you.”

I wanted to tell her she was proving everything I’d been saying, but I was stuck on her revelation.

My head slanted as I thought back through our conversations. “You said Lainey understood,” I began uncertainly. “Before you told me, you said you’d always liked her because you felt like she understood.”

“Oh...no. That was...I meant it differently,” Chloe said slowly, her gaze shifting to the side like she was trying to figure out how to explain. “People in Huntley know about my sister, but when she was sick, it felt like that’s all anyone talked to us about. And then when she died, it was like everyone forgot about her.”

Her head slowly bobbed as her stare met mine again. “I don’t know why I remember this, but during the years when my sister was sick, Lainey’s family would bring us blueberries and pumpkins from their farm so we wouldn’t have to go out and pick them. And maybe it was because Lainey was young too—my sister’s age, actually—but she was the only one who didn’t ask a million questions about her Leukemia. She didn’t ask any at all. She just played with us. Then after my sister died, Lainey was the only one to ask throughout the years how I was really doing and if I missed her.”

A sound of acknowledgement built in my chest. “Do you?”

One of Chloe’s shoulders lifted, but only slightly. “Would you think I was a terrible person if I saidno?”

“I’d think you were being real,” I said, then drew her in closer when I added, “And I don’t think you’re a terrible person for it.”

“I was young, and it’s been almost twenty years,” she said as if she still felt the need to explain. “To be completely honest, it’s like there’s such a fog over those years, that I remember the feeling of needing to make everyone smile more than I remember her. I don’t even remember her laugh.”

“I get it,” I assured her, then tilted her head back farther to pass my mouth across hers. “But understand what you’re telling me: This is something you haven’t shared with anyone. And my stuff? Chloe, you knew it meant something that I told you, and it does. Other than my team, only my parents know.”

Emotion stole across her face, but she just gave a brief nod as she tried forcing back everything she was feeling. That longing and genuine joy quickly followed bywhat-ifs.

Searching the conflict warring in her eyes, I whispered, “You don’t know what it does to me, knowing you have this unwavering, unfounded confidence in something that seems so dark and out of my control. And even though I know your confidence in yourself and in me is gonna be a hard-won battle, I want you to understand why you don’t need to doubtthis.”

I lifted my other hand so I was cradling her face and relished in the soft sound of contentment that left her in response. “The next time you start doubting what you mean to me, remember that I fell despite wanting to hate you and every one of my suspicions. Remember that I tried getting you away from me and broke instead, telling you about my demons so I could keep you close.”

Dipping my head, I lowered my voice. “I was never in danger of falling for anyone until you came into my life with your bubbly mask and bright smile and brought me to my knees.” I scrunched up one side of my face. “Literally.”

A hushed laugh tumbled from her lips as she dropped her forehead to my chest.

When she looked up at me with those dancing eyes again, I said, “I wanna argue with you because I know it’s honest. I wanna feel that indescribable rush when you can’t help but smile at me because I know it isn’t something you’re forcing. When you’re captivating everyone just by being near them, I wanna know that I’m the only one who gets the real you. AndI have every intention of taking you back to Colorado as soon as you’ll let me—this time abiding by my parents’ rules. Do you understand now?” I asked softly but no less firmly. “There’s nothing to doubt.”

Chloe pressed up on her toes, crushing her mouth to mine in response.

Lifting her into my arms, I deepened the kiss. Letting myself get wrapped up in her and this foreign feeling like I’d found everything I hadn’t been looking for and everything coconut and vanilla.

“About that . . .”

Chloe jolted in my arms at the sound of Briggs’ irritated voice, but didn’t turn to look at him. From the way her face scrunched up in worry as she seemed to wait for him to continue, I was sure she was too afraid to.

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