Page 100 of Even if It Hurts

A shaky exhale burst from Lainey. “How does he even know about her?”

“Do you see why I don’t think she’s safe with me?” I asked instead of responding, the words soft and dark.

“No one will protect her like you will.”

“Regardless, the mafia just told me they know about Kaia.” I gestured behind me as if the entire Wrecker family was standing there. “It wasn’t an outright threat because they don’t have proof of anything to threaten me with—not to mention, one of their guys just destroyed my office for seemingly no reason—but they want me to know they have a way to get to me. It won’t be long before they know about you.”

“You knew about them before you got custody of her, Asher,” Lainey said in a tone just as low and fierce as mine. “You knew what they were capable of and what they could use against you. Nothing about them has changed. The only thing that’s changed here is that youcareabout Kaia in a way you never expected to.”

She held my stare, silently challenging me to deny it.

I wanted to.

Internally, I was reminding myself of all the frustration with Kaia so far and why she was never supposed to have ended up with me. How I could still barely look at her and wanted nothing to do with her...but I wasn’t sure those were true anymore.

I still passed her off to Lainey because I didn’twantto want anything to do with my niece. Because she would be better off with someone else—anyone else. But once I’d gotten back to them tonight, I’d still grabbed her because I’d needed toknowshe was okay.

“They’ve always been able to use her against you.” Placing her hand over the fierce beating of my heart, she lowered her voice and meaningfully said, “But now theycanuse her against you.”

“And you,” I added and watched as the corner of her mouth tipped up.

“And me,” she agreed. “Still not going anywhere. You can’t force us away and live a miserable, lonely life because you’re worried about what some peoplemightdo.”

I wanted to tell her I could because I would do itfor her, but I’d already learned I wasn’t selfless enough to be the one to walk away from Lainey Pearson. “And what happens if, the next time, they’re breaking into my place—our place—and destroying that?”

Her eyes had flared with excitement and longing at the wordsour place, but her expression sobered as she thought for amoment before answering, “That’s gonna suck for them because I’ve been told Jack Ryan has nothing on you.”

Despite the weight that had been pressing on me all day and the stress of the conversation, a gravelly, startled laugh broke from me as I pulled her in for a kiss that was full of gratitude and relief.

“Don’t deserve you,” I said against her lips.

She pressed her forehead against mine, her eyelids squeezing tight before the full force of those blue eyes were on me as she whispered, “The things you do to my heart.” Grabbing one of my hands, she loosely wove her fingers through mine as she brought my hand to her chest, right over the chaotic pounding there. “With a look, with your actions, with your words...”

I’d gone still, but only because I didn’t want to miss a second of this.

Of the feel of her pulse beneath my palm. Of those wild eyes searching mine. Of her confession that meant everything to me. Of the fact that she’d learned so much that would make others run, yet she was still in my arms.

“Honesty?” she asked, her soft voice barely a breath between us.

“Always.”

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as hesitation bled from her and curled around me. “Even if it hurts?”

My head shifted just slightly against hers as I let my hands fall to her waist. “What is it, Lainey?”

“What happens when I fall in love with you?”

It was just so instant...the nauseating memories. The chill that felt soul deep. The feeling like I would never be able to escape what my mom did—that it would forever ruin me the way it’d ruined Wyatt and Peyton.

They’d just dealt with it differently: Drugs. Alcohol.

Mine was internal. A self-loathing and this deep-rooted need to keep that depravity from tainting anyone else who might get too close to me.

Yet there I was. Close.

But as I held Lainey with trembling hands, I knew there was no separating myself from her. To try would destroy me. It was evident in the way I was instinctively gripping her tighter despite the disturbing visuals trying to overwhelm me, needing to know she was still there. It was evident in the way my numb heart spurred to life whenever she so much as looked at me.

And I wondered if this was what it really was to love someone...

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