Page 44 of Even if It Hurts

I moved before she could smack me again, then watched as she stumbled toward the table. Grabbing my untouched piece of pizza, she held it up victoriously as she swayed out of the kitchen and toward the hall.

“I really should go,” Lainey repeated, this time closer than before, and I twisted to find her just a few feet away. “Kaia’s asleep, and you don’t need me for anything.” Before I could tell her she was wrong or think of a reason for her to stay, she took another step closer and lifted her chin. “But first, explain the keycard and why you always shift into Jack Ryan mode in the most dramatic ways.”

A sharp, stunned laugh punched from my lungs. “Jack Ryan?”

A humming sound left her, but instead of responding, she asked, “Was that another laugh?”

“You compared me to Jack Ryan—a dramatic Jack Ryan. That’s comical and slightly insulting.”

“Is that so?” she asked with a lift of an eyebrow, mischief glittering in those captivating eyes.

Clearing my throat, I forced my stare away long enough to clear my head too, then handed her the keycard. “This will get you in and out of the parking garage much easier. It’ll also get you up here and into any of the amenity centers.”

“Just make sure to let you know I’m coming,” she mused, the words bordering on a tease.

“I know when to expect you,” I told her.

When I risked a glance at her, heat had crept into her cheeks. “Right,” she said after long seconds had passed in our strained silence. “Well, I guess I’ll see you...”

“Monday,” I told her when she looked to me for guidance.

“Monday.”

“You really won’t eat?” I asked, throwing out one last attempt to get her to stay. From the way she swayed back from the step she’d just taken, I knew she was considering it. From the way her stare slowly lifted to mine again, I had a feeling it wasn’t because of the food.

“I appreciate it, but unless you need me, I should get home.”

I nodded as I reluctantly led her through the apartment and into the foyer, my chest wrenching all over again when I saw the things piled there.

“Leave it,” I pled when she started reaching for the décor.

“No, you were right,” she said even as I tried blocking her. “I never should’ve done it in the first place.”

“Maybe not, but maybe you were right.” I gently grabbed her arm and took the plant she’d managed to grab, setting it back on the floor. “I—” I blew out a harsh breath at just the thought ofadding anything to my apartment that wasn’t strictly necessary. “I know how I come across to everyone else, but what was it you said about my apartment?”

Her eyes widened with a comical sort of dread. “I thought we already covered that I don’t wanna repeat it.”

A huff left me. “Cold and unlived in, is that right? Like no one can touch anything?” Her lips parted, an apology clearly on the tip of her tongue, so I hurried over her. “As much as I wanna avoid her, I need to start thinking about Kaia. The social worker will drop in at random...she’s already had plenty to say about me and my apartment, and she’s betting on me to fail this. If she comes back here and thinks I’m not trying for her?” My head moved in tight, harsh shakes. “Lainey, I can’t lose Kaia too.”

Sorrow and sympathy bled from her as she reached for me before quickly dropping her hand to her side. “You won’t lose Kaia just because you don’t like decorating.”

“I need to look like I’m trying,” I said before quickly amending, “Ineedto try.”

Lainey’s head bobbed slowly, then more resolutely. “Do you want me to put everything back for you?”

No.

The word was so immediate and loud, I had to grit my teeth so it wouldn’t slip free. I wanted nothing more than to burn the stuff at our feet. But I knew for Kaia, I had to at least try to get over my past.

With a stiff nod, I started grabbing everything and helped Lainey carry it back into the living room. And as she hurried around, placing things everywhere, I felt my breathing turn shallow. Felt icy fingers trail up my spine and grip at my neck.

“If I—” I struggled to swallow the shameful wordscan’t do thisand just stared at my living room once she finished and had joined me at my side again.

As if sensing I wasn’t going to continue, Lainey placed a hand on my forearm and said, “Just give it the weekend. If it’s too much, it’ll disappear on Monday.”

I gave her a grateful look before leading her back to the foyer. “Don’t, uh...Ada doesn’t know. No one other than Rush does.”

If she was surprised by that, she didn’t show it. Just looked at me with a well of understanding. “I’m good at keeping secrets.”

---