Page 37 of Even if It Hurts

An understanding hum left Cameron even as a flash of disappointment crossed his face. “Well, if he hasn’t said it yet, I know he’s glad you’re here.”

Peyton studied Cameron for a few seconds before whispering, “You really do look good with a beard, Cam.” She took a large step away from him and looked toward the living room in an act that could’ve been taken as dismissive if Asher hadn’t soundlessly stalked around the corner of the kitchen a second or two later.

Even if it hadn’t been for the shrill shriek that left Kaia, I had no doubt her spoon would’ve slipped from my fingers the second I saw Asher, wearing his anger like armor and dressed in a slim, all-black suit. I’d never seen someone look so set on destruction or so devastatingly handsome.

Forcing my attention back to Kaia, I hurriedly scooped up the spoon and got another bite ready for her. “Ready?” I whispered as I tried—and failed—to brighten my expression for her.

But I was determined to keep my focus on her and nothing else.

I’d already eavesdropped on a conversation and moment that wasn’t meant for me; I could pretend to give them what little privacy was available, considering they were still standing so close. Besides, the last thing I needed was one of them seeing every unwanted thought that was surely displayed on my face, betraying me in a way I couldn’t afford. Not then. Not ever.

“Took you long enough,” Peyton said, the words dripping with irritation that so closely matched Asher’s.

“Let’s go,” Asher grated, and I hated the reaction just hearing his rough voice had on me. The quick inhale. The chills that swept over my arms. The urge to turn and see the terrifying expression that went with that tone.

I squeezed my eyelids shut and internally berated myself between reminders that he was myboss...that I had aboyfriend.

“What about the nanny and Kaia?”

At Peyton’s question, my attention shot back to where she and Cameron were watching me, then over to where Asher had stopped just before stepping out of my line of sight.

With a calming breath, his gaze drifted to me before locking on his sister. “What about them?”

Peyton huffed something that might’ve been a laugh, but it sounded too bitter to be sure. “You don’t think Kaia should be there?”

“No.”

“Ash—”

“I don’t even wanna be there, Peyton,” Asher seethed over her. With another hard look at me, he turned and continued through the apartment, talking as he did. “There’s no reason for Kaia to be there. Let’s go.”

Peyton just rolled her eyes and started after her brother.

Cameron offered me an apologetic look and said, “Good seeing you again,” before following.

And I sat there, my chest aching for that irritable man I hardly knew and for the little girl beside me as everything fell into place long after it should’ve. Because Peyton and the other woman had been wearing dresses, and the guys had all been in suits.

Everyone had been dressed in black.

Twisting so I was facing Kaia’s overly excited expression as she softly babbled to herself and playfully smacked the sides of her highchair, I wished there was a way I could apologize for what today was and, at the same time, was so grateful she didn’t understand.

“We’re going to have the best day,” I promised as I fed her another spoonful, a soft laugh tumbling past my lips at the way her entire face lit up from the bite of mashed fruit.

Grabbing her tiny, chubby hand when she reached for me, I leaned close and lowered my voice, even though the others were already gone. “For as long as I’m able, I will do everything to make sure you’re surrounded by joy and love and understanding, so when you learn this pain, it won’t be what defines you.”

At the next excited shriek she made, since that seemed to be her favorite thing this morning, I blew a raspberry on her hand before releasing her and scooping up the last of her breakfast.

And as I finished the dishes and lifted Kaia from the highchair, babbling at her the way she was at me, I noticed my own pain from Jackson’s earlier words was all but gone as I easily and happily fell back into this new, unanticipated routine.

At the realization, I hesitated on my path to the living room when it hit me that I’d never once considered quitting this job, even for the sake of my unstable relationship. After only two days, I somehow knew, just by looking into Kaia’s dark, dark eyes that she was so much more important than Jackson and me.

And it shook the steady ground I’d always stood on.

I’d avoided my apartment for as long as possible.

I’d given my team the day off unless they were working the Donut, which Rush still refused to let me help with in any way. And Peyton had disappeared as soon as the funeral ended. So, after spending an absurd amount of time in front of the abandoned trailer we’d grown up in, I’d gone to my dark, empty office and raged in a way I never had before.

Once I was spent emotionally and physically, I’d lain on the floor of my office for hours before eventually getting up and cleaning the destruction.

---