Page 27 of Even if It Hurts

Once she had Kaia strapped into the highchair, she bent close so her nose was almost touching my niece’s, and whispered something I couldn’t make out before twisting to move through the kitchen.

Her expression was calm and resigned, but there was a deep sadness that lingered beneath the surface that had me intently studying her. Trying to understand this girl who was always on the edge of my every thought as she looked helplessly at all the bags before finally meeting my stare.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to finish putting everything away?” When I slanted my head, her shoulders seemed to sag before she could offer me a smile I was sure she meant to be reassuring.

Once she had her bag slung over her shoulder and was playing with her keys, she cautiously edged back up to the breakfast bar. Pressing the tips of her fingers to the notebook sitting there, she studied it before looking at me again. “Hopefully this helps. And I’m sorry if I—well.. .I’m sorry.” With another glance at Kaia, she ducked her head and hurried toward the elevator.

Leaving a trail of all that wild energy that I wanted nothing to do with and was already eagerly anticipating another hit of.

Kaia sniffed, dragging my attention back to her. And as if realizing she was now alone with the man who would destroy the world for her between wanting nothing to do with her, she let out a shrill cry that was nothing short of nails on a chalkboard.

I glanced at the clock once Lainey was gone, already mentally counting down to when she would show up again.

This was going to be a long fourteen hours.

I couldn’t do this.

I was failing in a way I never had before, and I didn’t know how to stop.

Thanks to Lainey’s meticulously detailed notes, I knew exactly what to give Kaia for dinner, but she’d refused almost all of it, screaming the entire time. She hadn’tstoppedscreaming since Lainey left over seven hours ago.

I’d given her a bath between mumbled curses and begging her to stop thrashing for just one minute. I’d changed her diaper—clumsily, considering I hadn’t changed a diaper since I was a kid myself. I’d gotten her in her pajamas even if they were backwards at first. I’d tried putting her in the crib, but she’d flailed and kicked at the bars for hours before I’d gone to get her.

Now we were on the floor of her room. Kaia was sitting there, staring at me with the most devastating expression, face red and tear-stained from crying for so long. And I...I was breaking.

For the first time since I’d gotten the call about Wyatt, every denial and heartbreak were ripping from my chest in strained sobs. My body shuddered as I fought to get control of my grief, but maybe this break was unavoidable.

There was only so much trauma you could endure, death you could see, and loss you could suffer before you inevitably broke.

Wyatt was clearly my breaking point.

Or maybe it was just this endless screaming.

Swiping the back of my hand over my face, I quickly got to my feet and scooped Kaia up as I stalked out of her room and through the apartment. Never slowing until we were up in my room, and I had my phone to my ear. Not giving myself time to think about what I was doing until the call connected.

“Hello?” she answered, voice low and groggy.

“Help,” I demanded, practically begged, my teeth grinding as the foreign word left me.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever asked anyone for help in my life.

I’d given jobs over to people on my team so it didn’t all fall on me, and I’d accepted help, butaskingfor it? It felt like another failure.

Seconds passed before shuffling sounded through the phone. When Lainey spoke again, she sounded wholly confused and only slightly more alert. “Mr. Briggs?”

“Asher.”

“What—wait, what time is it?” she mumbled to herself before asking me, “What’s happening?”

My eyelids slipped shut, and I took slow, steeling breaths as I admitted a shame deeper than any other I had before, “I can’t do this.”

Understanding and sympathy practically poured through the phone. “I’m sure this is all so difficult and a lot to deal with, but youcando this.”

My head shook as she spoke. “The only time she hasn’t cried was when you were here. Please...Lainey, please. Help.”

Silence met me for a while before she hesitantly said, “You fired me,” as if in reminder.

My eyelids snapped open at her words. “What?”

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