Page 1 of Even if It Hurts

“It’s only one more year,” I whispered as I pinched the bridge of my nose and drew in a slow breath. Only partially paying attention to the busy goings-on of the coffee shop I was standing in when my thoughts were being pulled in a dozen directions.

Well,threedirections.

My family, the man on the other end of the phone, and the secret I’d been keeping from all of them.

“I’ve heard that before, Lainey,” my longtime boyfriend countered, the barest hint of frustration leaking through his tone. “Two years ago. Next thing I know, you’re gonna come back, saying you decided to get your doctorate next.”

“I won’t.”

“You sure about that?”

“I—” I choked over the rest of my response and staggered forward when someone barreled into my back.

Just as I was about to slam into the caffeine-deprived woman waiting to order, the person behind me caught and steadied me, murmuring, “Sorry.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I started assuring him it was fine. But before the words could tumble free, the man standing withhim nodded past me and impatiently said, “You can move up,” as if repeating it.

There was barely enough space for a small child to fit between me and the woman in front of me. But his unexpected frustration had me staring at the men for a second or two longer before I awkwardly nodded and mumbled an apology as I inched forward.

“Uh...” I squeezed my eyelids tightly shut as I tried remembering what I’d been saying to Jackson, then opened them in time to move forwardwiththe line. “Can we not do this again?” I softly pleaded. “I don’t wanna argue.”

Not over the same thing we’d been arguing about for years. Not when I’djustleft for my sixth—and final—year of school about half an hour before.

“We wouldn’t have these arguments at all if you hadn’t gone in the first place.”

My stomach twisted with guilt even as frustration burned in my chest. But when I started responding with something to appease him for now, he muttered a low, “Gotta go,” and ended the call.

NoI love you. Nowe’re gonna get through this. Nonothing.

And for the first time since I’d left for college, I was worried for what awaited us on the other side of this.

“Sorry I’m late,” a low, rough voice said as an arm slid around my waist with purpose.

Before I had a chance to do anything sane, like shove the man away or yell for help because there was a stranger pulling me close, he was tipping my chin up. The words, “Just go with it,” falling from his lips on the softest breath before his mouth pressed to mine.

It was nothing more than a peck—chaste and casual.

But there was nothing casual about the storm of emotions flooding my veins when it ended. There was nothing casualabout the way my lips tingled as if begging me to close the small distance between us again. There was nothing casual about the swarm of wings in my stomach as I got trapped in a pair of the darkest eyes I’d ever seen.

“How’s your morning?” he asked as if we weren’t literally speaking for the first time.

But even if his hand hadn’t subtly flexed against my waist, prompting me to continue playing along, the surprising amount of authority in his hushed words had me stammering, “Uh, g-good. Busy but good.”

He nodded before gesturing to where I was still holding my phone. “Bad call?”

I briefly wondered if I should be worried that some random guy had been listening in on my call before realizing that worry should’ve started the moment he touched me. But there were no warning bells or red flags. All self-preservation had vanished and been replaced with a wholly unanticipated calm.

“It went as expected,” I said as he moved us toward the register without ever checking to make sure the path was clear.

A rough sound of acknowledgment left him before he placed his order, then looked expectantly at me.

“Oh, um...a caramel macchiato please. Iced. Light on it—the ice, I mean. Please.”

Wow, Lainey. Brilliant.

I started pulling my bag off my shoulder only to stop when the man passed his hand in front of it in a subtle yet effective move.

Right...because, for some reason, there was a devastatingly handsome man with his arm wrapped around me, asking me to justgo with it—whatever that entailed. Because someone who wasn’t Jackson had kissed me. Because stopping for a simple coffee with my great-aunt before I left the state had turned into one of the weirdest encounters of my life.

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