Page 97 of Even if It Hurts

She scoffed as if I was a good twenty-four-or-so hours late and gave me a disapproving look as she leaned onto the small breakfast bar with her hands shoulder distance apart, mimicking my stance. “Well, then tell me what exactly you’re gonna do about this problem of yours.”

“I already tried talking Lainey into getting far from me.”

A sharp, mocking laugh left her, stopping me from continuing. “Oh my. I know you aren’t stupid, but that sure was a dumb thing you just said.”

I leaned even closer. “She’s your family. You think it’s safe for her to be with me after what I just told you?”

A look somewhere between frustration and disappointment covered her aging face. “Don’t make me smack you,” she muttered. “How many times have you tried using that on my great-niece?”

“Plenty.”

“Well, quit,” she said with another scoff. “If she’s with you and not marrying that good-for-nothing McCoy boy, then she knows how to use her head. And ifIever thought you weren’t safe, I would’ve gone to the ends of the earth to make sure you couldn’t get custody of that baby girl, and I would’veneverput you and my Lainey Ray on the same path.Twice.”

My mouth had been parted to argue, but a stuttered breath was all that left me as that last word tripped me up.

I’d known Ada had been pulling strings and playing matchmaker when Lainey fell back into my life—I’d known. Buttwice?

“Twice?” I echoed.

“I’ve worked for you nearly six years. When have you ever known me to drink coffee from a shop?” she asked with a discontented huff. “And do you really think I’d choose to have coffee with my sweet girl in a loud shop, especially when she was about to leave for months?” One of her graying eyebrows lifted. “I know your routine, boy.”

My mind raced back to that day nearly a year ago, seeing it in a new light. A harsh breath fled from me as I rubbed at the back of my neck before leaning into the counter again. “Sometimes I think you’re more trouble than you’re worth,” I told her.

“Welp.” She leaned back and clapped her hands together. “If that’s how you feel, you could always let this old girl retire.”

“No.”

An exasperated sound left her as her hands fell to the surface with a slap. “It’s gonna happen one way or another. The smart thing would be for you to hire someone so I can train them before I go.”

My head moved in small, tight shakes. “Ada, you don’t...you can’t go.”

“Watch me,” she challenged, complete with that ridiculous expression she thought was intimidating.

Sadness welled deep in my chest and mixed with a wave of panic whenever I thought of Ada leaving, but that wasn’t something I knew how to explain to her. Not when she didn’t know about my past, and I didn’t want her to.

But I’d never met any of my grandparents—from what my mom had said, they hadn’t wanted to be parents, much less grandparents. And the one parent who had stuck around had been a nightmare I still didn’t know how to escape.

When Ada had applied at Shadow, she’d walked in and started mothering and scolding us as if we’d belonged to her before the interview even started. Over the years, that hadn’t changed, but my respect for her had.

If Rush hadn’t been with me when I’d found out about Wyatt, he would’ve been the first one I called. As it was, I’d called Ada on my way to the department because I’d needed the only other person who felt like family.

I couldn’t lose her.

“Ada, you drive me insane on the best of days,” I began, my head bobbing a little, “but I never had a real mother figure in my life until you.” I shrugged. “You can’t go.”

A sound that was part scoff and part sob left her as she rounded the short breakfast bar to pull me into a fierce hug that had me going still, arms hovering in the air like I might just push her away until she scoffed, “It’s a hug, boy. Not an attack.”

Moving slowly, awkwardly, I forced my arms around her shoulders to hug her back. Realizing as I did how easy and natural it had always been to touch Lainey and pull her close—even from that first day—when I’d spent most of my life doing everything to avoid any kind of physical contact.

“If you think letting me retire would do something as silly as give you a break from me, you’re wrong,” Ada said. “If anything,I’d have more time to irritate you.” She leaned back when a muted laugh left me, but grabbed my shoulders to keep me close as she caught my stare. “I love all of you like my own. Can’t get rid of me that easily.”

I was thankful when she released me to return to the other side of the bar.

I needed the space anyway, but for as innocent as her last declaration was, it had twisted memories rushing forward. I needed to be able to just breathe without being touched by someone.

But the nauseating, oxygen-stealing reaction it incited had my thoughts drifting back to Lainey, and I couldn’t stop from glancing over my shoulder again as I wondered if that’s how it would always be—even with her.

As much as I wanted to be someone who didn’t have a mountain worth of trauma for her, I knew my childhood had forced me to be someone who’d sacrifice themselves for others without hesitation. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

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