Page 87 of Even if It Hurts

But even as I thought it, I realized I was just standing beside Kaia’s crib, holding her a little longer. And once I had her in it, I lingered. Watching her curl up in a tight ball the way she always did before stretching out in that ridiculous thing Lainey always put her in, making her look exactly like a starfish.

Passing my knuckle along her cheek, I murmured, “Night, little Starfish,” before easing out of her room and through the apartment.

I followed the sound of running water to where Lainey was standing in front of the kitchen sink, washing out her glass, and slipped up behind her.

She sucked in a quick inhale when I placed my hands on either side of her, caging her against the counter, but released it just as fast when she relaxed against me. “So quiet,” she whispered in teasing reprimand.

A grunt rumbled in my chest as I moved her long hair off one shoulder to press my lips to her neck. When her head tilted to the side to give me better access, I placed one more feather-soft kiss there before saying, “I should warn you, I’m not good at this.”

I felt more than heard her next laugh. “I don’t agree.”

“I’ll hurt you without trying,” I said somberly. “Just by being me.”

Lainey twisted in my arms to look up at me, her expression wholly unbothered. “I’m starting to figure you out, Asher Briggs.”

“That right?”

An affirming sound rose in her throat, but there was a hesitance to it. Before I could ask what it or the slow furrowing of her eyebrows meant, she asked, “And if I need nights like this? Nights where you talk to me?”

I knew what she was really asking.

She wanted more conversations where I was open. She wanted toknowme.

I didn’t tell her I’d spent my life making sure peoplecouldn’tknow me. I didn’t tell her the times I’d bared my soul to her, I would’ve done anything for her to understand me because I’d been worried I was going to lose her. I just studied her expression as I absorbed her plea.

“If you wanna know something, just ask.”

She worried her bottom lip before speaking, her voice quiet and filled with worry. “What if I know it’ll bring up things—bad things.Country musicthings.”

I tightened my grip on the counter because it was obvious in the way she was looking at me that there was already something she wanted to know. From the way she’d quickly changed the subject when I’d started internally spiraling earlier, I had a feeling I knew what it was.

“Ask your question, Lainey.”

Hesitation pulsed between us for long seconds before she began, “Cameron said?—”

A curse bled from me and had Lainey pressing her lips together as I pushed from the counter and straightened, folding my arms across my chest as I did. “What all did you and Rush talk about?”

“Nothing,” she hurried to assure me. “Well, not really. I had my playlist on, and he told me you don’t like country music. When I told him I knew and would have it off before you got back because I knewwhy, it...well, it really surprised him.”

She gestured between me and the ceiling, stammering a little as heat crept into her cheeks. “A-and then you came home, and he, uh...he asked if I was in love with you.”

Ihadn’t been moving before, but I went still then.

Horribly, achingly still other than the twitch of my jaw as flashes tormented me in a split second and betrayal burned deep as I wondered what all Rush had told Lainey andwhyhe’d decided to have this conversation with her in the first place.

“I see,” she mumbled so softly, I wasn’t sure she meant to say the words out loud. The tips of her fingers trailed across my short beard before she cradled my straining jaw. “And the truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know because all of this is so new and different and intense and—goodness, so many things. But he said if I knew about your past, then I would know not to tell you if Idolove you.”

“That all he said?” I asked when she didn’t go on, the words rough and gravelly.

Lainey drew in a slow breath as she thought. “More or less. He’s very protective of you. I think he thought I was leading you on and wanted me to make up my mind one way or another.”

Affirmation rumbled in my chest. “What’s your question?”

Sadness mixed with understanding filled her features. “If you’re shutting down on me, you already know.”

I forced my head to lower in a nod before giving a firm shake. “Lainey, I don’t talk about this.”

“Okay,” she said as if it were as simple as that.

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