Page 86 of Even if It Hurts

“You should know by now that isn’t true.”

“Before...this,” she clarified clumsily as she turned to go sit on the couch, but not before I saw the way her cheeks darkened with heat. Once I was seated beside where she was cradling Kaia, she asked, “Was he wrong?”

“No.”

Lainey pressed her lips together to fight a smile that still broke through. With a steadying breath, she put the full force of those eyes on me and said, “So, things can change.”

I didn’t tell her that this time with Kaia hadn’t changed anything—I still didn’t want kids. I just studied the blush on her cheeks and the way her eyes danced as she watched me before saying, “I told your dad.”

Lainey’s expression fell in an instant. “What?”

“Your dad...I guess we never did get back around to my talk with him.” I swallowed thickly, my head bobbing for a moment before saying, “I told him about when we first met. I told him that, even though there were a dozen reasons why I shouldn’t entertain even the idea of you and me, I knew I’d never want anyone the way I want you. And if I ever found out you felt the same, I was gonna ignore every one of those reasons and never let you go.”

Her earlier blush was nothing compared to when I finished, and it took everything to stay where I was beside her instead of reaching out to feel the heat staining her cheeks.

“You can’t go around saying things like that if you want me to hate you,” she said a little breathlessly.

“Would you hate me even if I didn’t?”

“No,” she said without hesitation, then huffed out a self-deprecating sound. “I couldn’t make myself hate you even whenI thought you’d meant all those things I’d heard you say about me.”

Even though I’d finally explained it all, even though it was all out there, my stomach still twisted at the reminder—at the pain I’d put her in this week. “I’m sorry, Lainey.”

Her head moved in a jumble of nods and shakes. “I know you are. I should’ve let you explain earlier. But we’ve already gone through that; I was just letting you know that I can’t...” She pressed a hand to her chest and gave me a hopeless smile. “I’m incapable of hating you.”

The hidden meaning of her claim settled heavily between us as if waiting for one of us to give first—utter those three words first. But for as much as we’d both confessed tonight,that...that was too much.

Or maybe it only felt that way for me because those words had never left me a day in my life, even in a familial way with my siblings. Then again, our mom had tossed those words around a lot during twisted abuses, which meantI love youlanded somewhere along the same vein as the rest of the childhood I couldn’t seem to escape. Even when it wasn’t directed at me, it triggered a trauma type response.

“So, is this a kidnapping?” Lainey asked, playfully drawing out the last word and breaking through the charged silence. “Because you said you’d never let me go, but you’ll eventually have to before someone from my family files a missing person’s report.”

A gravelly sound that was too strained to be considered a laugh crawled up my throat, and I sent her a grateful look when I focused on her enough to notice the well of understanding in her eyes.

Not that shecould. But she must’ve sensed that I’d needed something to pull me away from the memories threatening to break free.

“It’s my job to prevent those,” I reminded her as I stood. Leaning in close, I tipped her head back and captured her lips.

Because I could. Because she was there. Because I wasn’t sure how I’d gone all these months without doingthis.

I deepened the kiss for just a moment before pulling away, but kept my lips hovering over hers when I said, “Not letting you live out of a hotel though,” as I carefully curled my hands under Kaia’s arms and took her from Lainey now that she was asleep.

Lainey’s mouth parted to argue as I stepped back, so I hurried to add, “We’re talking about that when I get back.”

Her eyes rolled in defeat before she said, “I would’ve put her down soon.”

“I know.”

If there was anything I was sure of, it was the way Lainey cared for Kaia.

Even after enduring a handful of hours with Kaia’s screams, Lainey had gone to get Kaia as if it was something shegotto do, not something shehadto do. And even though Kaia had started falling back asleep long before the medicine could help her, I had no doubt Lainey had continued holding her because she’d wanted that time with her.

Reaching for where I’d left her coffee earlier, I grabbed the glass and handed it to Lainey as I made my way around the couch and toward the hall. My heart warming and aching in a way that was slowly becoming familiar when Kaia shifted and burrowed deeper against my chest. One of her little starfish hands covering half of her face the way it always did.

“Things can change.”

Lainey’s words skipped through my thoughts before I could push them away.

My entire life had changed, placing a baby in my care. That didn’t meanIhad...that Iwantedthis—wanted kids.

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