Page 85 of Even if It Hurts

But once I had the syringe filled with the correct dose according to the chart I vaguely remembered being given during those first days before Kaia was truly in my care, I handed it to Lainey. Partially because I was sure Kaia was more likely to take something from the woman holding her than me. Mostly to enforce the words I’d just said.

I trusted her.

“What was it?” Lainey asked as she slowly fed the liquid to my tear-streaked niece. Before I could ask what she was talking about, her chaotic eyes briefly flashed my way before falling to Kaia again as she explained, “I said something in the room that bothered you.”

When I took too long thinking over what all to say, she added, “Honesty, Mr. Briggs,” on a gentle tease.

“Told you I think her social worker’s right,” I admitted.

“Asher—”

“And then you compared her to me,” I finished over her. I rubbed at the pressure against my chest as if that might help relieve it or help me sort through my destructive thoughts. “Soon as you said that, I wanted to get as far from her as possiblebecause I couldn’t see any way where my life or just who I am doesn’t end up hurting her.”

“I can,” Lainey said, the words barely more than a whisper but they rang with conviction. When I cut a challenging look her way, a flash of uncertainty and pain tore across her beautiful face. “Honesty?”

“Always.”

“Even if it hurts?”

“Always,” I repeated without hesitation.

“You think she would’ve been better off with Wyatt?”

That...I hadn’t expectedthat, and it had me pausing. Had me shifting back just the slightest bit as I absorbed the blow, but Lainey noticed.

Her eyes widened with worry and apology as she tenderly curled a hand around the back of Kaia’s head as if to protect my niece from a conversation she couldn’t understand. “Asher, I’m?—”

“No,” I finally answered. “I don’t.”

Lainey studied me for long moments before the words, “I’m sorry,” slipped past her lips and just over the sound of Kaia’s hushed whimpers. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You should’ve,” I gently argued, head shaking. “Lainey, don’t worry about holding back with me.”

“But that?—”

“Hurt because that’s my—was...” I worked my jaw a few times before clearing my throat. “That was my brother who I couldn’t save. And that’s weighed on me for longer than I can remember. But I like when you challenge me,” I told her. “I wanna know what you’re thinking, no matter what or who it involves. And I needed the reminder of what Kaia was living in with them.”

She nodded for a while before realizing, “But that doesn’t change how you feel about having her here with you.”

“No.”

“It should.” When I tipped my chin her way in question, she said, “We don’t know exactly what Kaia’s everyday life was like, but you’ve lived through that—throughworse—and you protected your siblings from it.”

Lainey gestured to me before placing her hand on Kaia’s head again, this time like she was trying to soothe my niece to sleep. “Okay, so, you’ve gotten on the mafia’s bad side and that is...” A startled sounding laugh left her. “I dunno, I still can’t wrap my head around it. But Wyatt wasbuying drugsfrom them. Her parents were using around her. They were actively putting her in danger, Asher. Kaia’s safest with you because you’ll do everything to protect her.”

I let my stare fall to where Kaia was clearly trying to get comfortable in Lainey’s arms in the ridiculous starfish outfit that made her look adorable. I wasn’t sure if I agreed with Lainey, but I could at least understand what she was saying. I could see how this was better than where she’d been.

“I never wanted kids,” I admitted on a breath.

A hum of acknowledgment left Lainey. “Wanted...things can change.” Before I could argue, she added, “From what Cameron said, I got the impression you’ve never wanted a relationship either.” One of her eyebrows lifted in equal parts curiosity and hesitation as she slipped past me. “Has that changed?”

I followed her, my words dark and low when I demanded, “What’d Rush say?”

Lainey’s shoulders shook with a muted laugh. Twisting around, she never stopped walking toward the couch as she teased, “So angry, Mr. Briggs.”

“What’d he say?”

“That you’ve never let yourself fall for anyone.” Her head tilted, waiting for me to confirm or deny it when I just needed to know why they’d talked about this at all.

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