Page 82 of Even if It Hurts

Parts of it, but I wanted the entirety of her reason.

I wanted to know if any part of her had been torn between her relationship and thoughts of us. There were times I was sureI wasn’t alone in my feelings. But there were others that had me second-guessing everything, sure it was just Lainey’s personality and nothing to do withus.

But after everything this week, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get a real answer until I gave one of my own.

“You’ve consumed me from the first moment I saw you, and I’ve hated every second as much as I’ve craved the next.”

Her gaze snapped to mine at the confession, eyes big and round with something close to hope that she struggled to rein in as I continued.

“What you heard?—”

“You don’t lie,” she said over me, spearing me with all that pain that had been trailing after her the past week.

My head slanted in equal parts agreement and shamed reluctance.

“You don’t lie,” she repeated more firmly as she pulled her knees closer to her chest. “You constantly demand honesty, and I heard you.”

“And yet, I gave the person I trust most in this world partial truths and twisted versions of the truth because I’m constantly struggling to remind myselfwhyI can’t be affected by you the way I am. I didn’t need Rush making it worse.”

Wonder and adoration tried creeping back into her features for all of a second before her expression went utterly blank. “‘Partial truths and twisted versions of...’” she murmured before a self-deprecating laugh left her. “Wow, all right,” she said as she pulled the blanket off her and lowered her feet to stand.

“Lainey, wait,” I begged as I moved so I was in front of her, prompting another harsher laugh from her as she placed her free hand on my chest as if she was about to push me away.

“I’ve had your voice in my head for nearly a week,” she said tightly. “I’d really rather not sit here and listen to you tell mein personall the things you don’t like about me.”

“Don’t like about you,” I challenged darkly.

“You just said they were truths,” she shot back.

“Every one,” I acknowledged and pressed her hand harder to my chest when her eyes dimmed. “I told you about my past and my mom, so you know anything more than necessities is clutter to me—you know my struggles with that. So, yes, you’ve made my blood pressure rise almost every day since you’ve started?—”

“I tried to fix that,” she argued, swinging her coffee-filled hand toward the rest of the living room, then squeezed her eyelids shut before fixing a pleading glare on me. “I...I mean, Itried. Do you know how crazy I felt when I came back the next day to find the blankets and plants still here?” Her head moved in quick jerks before she demanded, “Why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve never respected anyone more for what you’ve done by pushing me with all the changes,” I explained as I carefully took the glass from her hand to place it on the table behind me. “I hate not knowing what I’m gonna come home to each day—Lainey, I can’t explain how much I hate it. But I respect it because it’s you and because of all the reasonswhyyou’ve done what you have.”

She blinked up at me, clearly taken aback, before hesitantly confirming, “So, you made me think I’d lost my mind...”

“Not my intention,” I said apologetically. “That was just the only thing I could think to do that might show you there was so much more behind what you’d overheard because the rest...” I gently captured some of her curls and let them slide through my fingers before securing my hand at the base of her neck. “Lainey, I’ve dreamt of driving my hands into these wild curls.”

Her lips parted on a shaky exhale as her fingers pressed harder against my chest in response.

“And your eyes? I can’t think of anything more uncontrollable than a storm, and that’s what I see every time I get trapped right here.” Dipping my head lower, I kept my mouth hovering just over hers as I meaningfully said, “The way you look is the definition of chaotic: wild and uncontrollable. Do you understand now?”

Silence that was just as excruciating as it was uncertain settled heavily between us as those eyes I’d been describing searched mine.

“Partial truths,” she eventually whispered, wonder filling her voice and offsetting her next statement. “I’m not sure I’ll ever understand you.”

Before I could worry over what she meant by that, the fingers of her free hand trailed over my short beard, keeping me a breath from her as she continued. “You can have me riding the craziest high only to rip it away with a cruel look and a few callously delivered words.”

“I don’t try to,” I assured her, but she continued as if I hadn’t spoken.

“You said you can’t be affected by me the way you are, but this isn’t the first time you’ve held me like this today or this week.”

“I said I’ve been struggling to remind myself,” I gently corrected and watched as she subtly nodded, making the tip of her nose brush mine and testing every ounce of my self-control as I kept us right there.

So close that all reason started blurring as my carefully placed restraints threatened to snap, and I wasn’t sure I cared anymore.

And then she closed the space between us that much more so her lips brushed mine when she asked, “And why can’t you be affected by me, Asher Briggs?” and I nearly broke.

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