Page 75 of Even if It Hurts

I wasn’t sure my dad had ever come so close to an apology in my entire life, and I couldn’t imagine what Asher had said to make him say this now.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my hand pressing against the ache in my chest. “Dad, I’m so sorry this is happening.”

He gave a sharp jerk of his head, quickly dismissing my words as he took a step away. But at the next step that brought him off the porch, he lifted a hand, loosely pointing at me for a few seconds before his eyes met mine.

“No man puts their hands on you, Lainey Ray. You hear me?”

Horror swept through me because I knew from the look of pain and shame in my dad’s eyes that he wasn’t making assumptions about Asher’s intimidating personality. Asher had told him about Jackson.

“Dad, I?—”

“No man,” he said definitively.

“I know, but...” My head shook quickly, fiercely. “Dad, this isn’t Jackson,” I began, feeling like an idiot for ever defending him. “The guy on the other end of the phone these past years, the one I’ve seen during school breaks, the one I came home to...that isn’t Jackson. And I think I know why.”

My dad twisted fully to face me, looking angrier than he had when he’d walked up on Asher and me. “There is no excuse, Lainey. Not for what he did. Not ever.”

“I know,” I hurried to assure him. “I know, but I don’t think any of you realize that Jackson’s just as trapped as I am.”

He scoffed, his hands lifting into the air before falling to slap at his thighs. “Lainey...”

“Dad, he loves the farm and the ranch. He wants the businesses to merge—he wants all of it. But he knows it only happens if we’re together, and I don’t think Jackson loves me. I’m pretty sure he’s in love with someone else—I think he’sbeenin love with her for a long time, and he’s just been forcing himself to stay with me because he has to.”

“That isn’t—no,” my dad said, head shaking. “That boy has always been in love with you.”

“He was,” I said with a subdued laugh. “And I think he’s trying to convince himself he still can be, just like I was trying to convince myself of the same. But I think this increasingly angry guy I’ve been witnessing is a product of y’all trapping him into a life he wants but isn’t fully happy in. I think he’s breaking under it, and he’s lashing out at me. I’m not excusing what he did,” Iadded, making sure my dad understood that. “But I also don’t think Jackson even realized that he was hurting me or is the kind of person to do that.”

I stood painfully still as I waited for my dad’s response. Fingers interwoven and pressed against my uneasy stomach. Lungs desperately begging for air. Body so tightly wound, I thought it might shatter when I tried moving again.

After all, I’d more or less told him what happened with Jackson was because of him.

But after a minute passed in tense silence, my dad subtly dipped his chin and muttered, “You’re still needed here, Lainey,” as he turned to leave. “Farm can’t go on without you.”

My entire being seemed to sag once he was gone. Sinking to the porch, I tried to contain the excitement and adrenaline coursing through me as I drew in shaky breaths.

I hadn’t had that calm or respectful of a conversation with my dad since I’d first told him I wanted to go to college, and I wasn’t sure he’d ever let me be that honest with him. And even though I hadn’t won all the battles, if his parting words were any indication, that had been a turning point. I was sure of it.

And I had Asher to thank for all of it.

That afternoon, the elevator opened on the twenty-ninth floor to ear-piercing screams.

“I’m here,” I called out since I wasn’t sure the elevator’sdingcould be heard over Kaia’s cries. Hurrying into the large space, I looked for wherever they might be, already pulling my purse off my shoulder as I did.

“Nothing,” Asher suddenly said from above me, making my head snap up to see him and Kaia on the landing that led to hisroom. But in less than a second, I forgot all about the crying baby in his arms because Asher was standing there in only a pair of black, tactical pants. “Nothing has helped.”

I struggled to clear the sudden knot it my throat, but my voice still came out low and strained when I said, “Got it.”

“I have to get ready,” he said pointedly.

“That’s why I’m here,” I managed to say at a reasonable volume.

He gave me a look that clearly shouted he didn’t know why I was still standing where I was instead of coming to get her, and I felt my stomach flip at just the thought of setting foot on the stairs.

“I, uh . . . I don’t think I should go up there.”

Asher’s head slanted and one side of his face twitched in obvious discomfort when Kaia leaned back and let out an impressively loud shriek of a scream. Pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand, he seemed to take a calming breath before giving me a pleading look. “I should be leaving right now. Lainey, please.”

I wanted to remind him I’d been forbidden from ever going anywhere other than Kaia’s room and the common areas of the apartment—his room especially. I wanted to ask for him to put a shirt on because,oh my gosh,that at-home gym was absolutely working for him, and he was already entirely too distracting to look at when fully clothed. I wanted to know how anyone could look that controlled and devastatingly handsome when holding a screaming baby because I was sure I looked like an exhausted mess after even the easiest days with Kaia.

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