Page 70 of Even if It Hurts

Watching them, listening to their laughter fill the air, had all those earlier thoughts rushing back as something foreign unfurled in my chest. Steadily burning hotter and hotter until it felt like I was struggling to contain it—struggling to breathe around it.

Because I wanted more time like this. More days. More of this dangerous distraction I’d never wanted any part of before.

A life with someone. A family. But not just with anyone...I wanted it with the unpredictable woman beside me. But she could barely stand to look at me, and the baby she was holding was never supposed to be mine.

Once the basket was full, and we were headed back toward the festival-style section, I asked, “What is it about me?”

“Uh...” A bemused sound left her and ended on a hesitant laugh.

“You said you’re careful not to upset anyone; that you bend over backward to keep everyone happy and to do whatever’s been asked of you. And I see that,” I claimed. “Even if I hadn’t heard stories from Ada, it’s clear in how torn you are to keep doing what’s expected of you, no matter what it cost you. But from the day I met you, you’ve stood up to me in ways that don’t sound like the person you described.”

I felt the corner of my mouth tilt up as I took in her slowly reddening cheeks. What I wouldn’t give to know what went through her mind right then.

Her slender neck shifted with a clearly forced swallow as she glanced at me before facing straight ahead again. “Um, I...”

“Honesty.”

She forced out an irritated breath. “Probably for that reason,” she mumbled, then gave me a pointed look. “‘Honesty, Miss Pearson.’”

A shocked laugh punched from my lungs at her imitation of me, complete with a scrunched-up expression and low, gruff tone. “Is that what I sound like?”

Amusement left her on a hum, but the way she was fighting a smile right then was everything to me.

“I didn’t say that a year ago,” I added meaningfully. “And thehonestything began because you started apologizing for telling me something about myself and my home that you should’ve never felt the need to apologize for.”

“I thought we weren’t talking about last year,” she challenged, but her voice and the light in her eyes were almost playful as if testing the boundaries of that topic.

“There’s a lot we aren’t talking about, Lainey.”

She studied me for a few seconds longer before her expression fell as she quickly looked at where Kaia was playingwith a lock of Lainey’s hair. Almost as if there was a deeper part of her that kept wanting to give into the tension between us—to fall into this place of comfort and ease—before she remembered all over again that I’d destroyed her.

“I wasn’t totally convinced you weren’t a psychopath last year,” she finally said, her words taking on that same subdued pitch I’d been growing used to all week. “As for the rest...” One of her shoulders lifted in a weak shrug. “I guess it’s just an automatic response to your glowing personality.”

I wanted to know what her response would’ve been if I hadn’t hurt her. I wanted to know the truth. But I had a feeling I wouldn’t get that as long as this weight of hurt and betrayal was between us.

“You...Lainey, I respect you more than I could ever begin to explain,” I began and noted how she stumbled a little before correcting her footing.

“Asher—”

“So, I won’t go into what you overheard even though Icanexplain it.” I waited until her stare flashed my way before adding, “I’ll wait because of the reasons I gave you earlier and because, even though you already know I won’t lie to you, I don’t think you’ll hear me until you’re ready. But we’re talking about everything else we’ve been avoiding.”

A mixture of surprise, bemusement, and worry pulsed from her as I brought her to a stop, but when her lips parted, I hurried to say, “I stand by what I said last year: I go to that coffee shop almost every morning and saving people is what I do, but you were extremely lucky I was there at that exact moment and happened to see what they did.”

“I’ve been told,” she whispered as I continued.

“Helping people is what I do. Saving people is what I do,” I repeated as I stepped closer, my voice soft and low as I watched her eyes flare. “Now, I’m not the kind of person who dwellson jobs once they’re done. I don’t see the faces of people we’ve helped. But I saw you.”

Shock and denial stole across her features, battling with the blush I was slowly becoming addicted to that was so prominent right then.

“I looked for you every time I set foot in that shop until, suddenly, you were standing right in front of me, in my apartment.”

“You...” A baffled sounding laugh left her. “No, because—no.”

“Lainey—”

“You were so cold and—and—and rude,” she said, stammering as she clearly struggled to accept what I was telling her. “You were so irritated with me. You’re always irritated with me,” she went on.

“Not in the way you’re probably thinking,” I admitted, seeming to shock her before she gave a quick shake of her head.

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