Page 13 of Even if It Hurts

“Now, I know it isn’t your goal, but maybe it could be on your path,” Aunt Ada said, the offer nearly sounding like a plea. “You’d have to talk to him about pay, but I’m sure he’d pay you well, and that couldn’t hurt.”

“Nanny,” I repeated, almost as if I was testing the word for the first time.

“He’s in desperate need,” Aunt Ada acknowledged. “I know I’ve told you he’s grumpy and surly, and I won’t take any of that back, but he’s still a good man. Bending over backward to take in his niece proves that.”

My heart clenched as my head shook because I couldn’t nanny for anyone. Not when I was still walking on such shaky ground with my parents and Jackson. Not when I was needed in the fields because picking season wasjustabout to?—

It hit me like a punch to the gut that I was doing what I’d sworn I wouldn’t.

Jackson didn’t need to push me into my old routines, my guilt was enough to have me falling right back into what everyone else expected of me. It was frustrating that I was so quick to do whatever they wanted, if only to make them happy, after having spent the past six years working toward a career that made me feel so free.

Andthis? Aunt Ada was right; it wasn’t Huntley Academy—or any school at all—but it was helping a child, and that was really what I wanted to do.

“When does he need me?” I found myself asking just as a familiar hand curled around my waist.

My head snapped up to find Jackson’s brow furrowed as he searched my face. It wasn’t until Ada’s “As soon as you can get here” came through the phone that I realized I was smiling as excited anticipation pounded through my veins. Those hands that had been crushing my lungs just minutes ago were all but gone as I breathed deeply for the first time in too long.

“Tell me where, and I’ll come right now,” I assured her.

“He lives in downtown Dallas, about half an hour from you,” she said gratefully. “I’ll send you the information and let the front desk know you’re coming so you can get inside. See you soon, my Ray.”

I think I whispered some sort of parting, but I was too dazed by the change in this morning—in this week.

“What’s happening?” Jackson asked as I lowered my phone.

“I have to go,” I said with an incredulous laugh, my head shaking as I tried wrapping my head around it all. “Aunt Ada’s boss wants to hire me as a nanny, and he needs me now—like, right now.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jackson said when I started for my car, bemusement coating his expression when I focused on him. “Ananny? Why? You have no...” A harsh breath fled from him. “Lainey, come on, this isn’t you.”

I took a step away from him. “What isn’t me?”

“This,” he said adamantly, his voice low and rough and pleading. “Preschools, teaching, being ananny. I know you, you’re country down to your soul, and that includes farming and ranching.”

I swallowed thickly as grief bloomed in my chest. “That’s what I was born into,” I said once I was sure I could speak clearly. “That’s what I feel like Ihaveto stay in. That’s what I’ve tried telling myself would be perfect for us for so long, Jackson, but that isn’tme. And we’re never going to get past beingfineif you don’t see that.”

“Lainey . . .”

“I’m sorry I’m leaving before we can have breakfast,” I said sincerely. “But this sounds like an emergency situation for my aunt’s boss and a great opportunity for me. So, I’m gonna go.”

I’d just started rocking back when Jackson closed the distance between us with one large step and pulled me into his arms, crushing his mouth to mine in a kiss wholly unlike the one just minutes before.

This kiss was us, the way we’d always been. It was so much more thanfine.

At least, it should’ve been.

But it wasn’t . . .

My knees were still steady, and my body wasn’t buzzing with excitement or adoration the way it always had around Jackson. My breath was still firmly in my lungs and my heart wasn’t desperately trying to beat out of my chest.

“I know you. I love you,” he whispered against my lips. “We’ll get through this.”

I nodded before offering him a weak, hesitant smile and promising, “I’ll come over when I get back.”

“See you.”

I hurried away when he released me, feeling more unsteady than I had all week as I took this first step on my new journey.

My life and career had conditioned me to be prepared for—and desensitized to—traumatic events. Rather, theyshould’ve. But the past few days had blindsided me in a way I’d never expected and didn’t know how to handle.

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