Page 102 of Outside The Wire

I slumped down in the chair at the kitchen table, wincing as I leaned back against the hard slats. My couch would be more comfortable. “Are you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“About what I asked last night.”

If he was at all put off by my question, he showed no signs of it. He just went through the process of making dinner like we were having a conversation about our day.

“I’m not hiding anything from you.”

“We both know that’s not true. I can see it in your eyes, Asher.”

That got to him. He sighed, leaning against the counter as he continued to face away from me. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me what it is.”

“And what if I don’t want to? Is that it? Is that the end?”

I swallowed hard. I hadn’t considered that he wouldn’t tell me. Asher told me everything. Always in some quirky way, buthe never kept secrets from me. Now…now, he didn’t want to tell me, and that scared me more than anything.

“Can I ask why you don’t want to tell me?”

He slowly turned around to face me. At least he gave me that.

“Because I left that part of me behind. I told you, I’m a different person. It’s in the past, and it needs to stay there.”

“You really think that’s possible? You just make a new life and walk away?”

“Yes, I did it.”

“Life doesn’t work like that, Asher. You can’t just create something new and hope the past never comes back to haunt you. It always does.”

“Not in my world. I left it behind on purpose. I don’t want anything to do with the man I used to be. I like who I am now.”

“Is that why you won’t introduce me to your parents?”

His jaw clenched.

“You told me about your wife, but you have no pictures of her. You won’t tell me how you met her or the circumstances around it. You don’t talk about her in any way. You don’t talk about your childhood or who you were. There’s nothing to you except who you are now.”

“I’m giving you all I have,” he argued. “This is me. All I have left.”

“Maybe that’s not enough,” I snapped. “Maybe I need a whole man.”

I regretted the words the minute they were out of my mouth, but I wasn’t sure taking them back would have any effect on him. I could see the hurt in his eyes, the damage I had inflicted upon him with that particular strike.

“You deserve a whole man, Holly,” he said quietly. “You’re right. You deserve more.”

“Asher—”

“Your pills are lined up on the counter and there are plenty of groceries in the fridge.”

I stood there like an idiot as he walked past me and headed for the front door. I didn’t even try to stop him. Why? I didn’t know. Maybe I was waiting for him to turn around and decide he wanted to tell me everything. Or I guess I thought I needed to stand up for myself. Either way, I didn’t get what I wanted.

The door shut as he walked out.

I stood in my kitchen, all alone and with no one there to take care of me. Not that I needed a man to do that, but it sure was nice. I’d grown so used to having Asher around that the house felt empty without him. Would he be back tonight? Was I supposed to lock the door?

I stumbled into the living room and slumped down on the couch, crying out when I landed more forcefully than I meant to. All this talking had done absolutely nothing for me. I didn’t have any more answers than I started with, and now Asher was gone. What had I really hoped to accomplish by pushing him?

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