Page 58 of Outside The Wire

“You don’t have any pictures of her.”

I shook my head. There wasn’t a single one. That probably didn’t ring true with what she had in her mind of a normal relationship, but how the hell was I supposed to explain that to her?

“That’s because I don’t have any of us together.”

I got the reaction I expected. The shock and disbelief almost made me feel like an ass. “How—I don’t—” She shook her head, trying to understand, but she never would.

“Our marriage wasn’t exactly conventional. It was complicated, and by the time I knew I loved her…things started falling apart. She was sick.”

Her face dropped.

“Mentally. I didn’t see the signs. Maybe I didn’t want to. I don’t know. Her mother had recently died and she was struggling with her death. What I didn’t know was that she was self-medicating with old prescriptions from her Mom.” I let that sink in for a moment. It didn’t hurt nearly as badly to say it out loud as it used to. “The coroner said that because she wasusing her mother’s prescriptions, it was possible that instead of treating her depression, she was worsening it.”

“She killed herself,” she whispered.

I nodded. “At her mother’s funeral. She was at her mother’s grave one minute, and the next, I was looking for her, trying to figure out where she was. And then I heard the van and I just knew.” Holly reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it hard. “The van slammed into a tree. She flew through the windshield and was killed instantly.”

“Asher…”

“And that’s why I don’t have any pictures of us,” I smiled. “Because it ended all too soon.” I grabbed the box and carried it over to the closet, replacing it on the shelf. When I closed the door, she was crying on the ground.

For me.

And I didn’t want that. I bent over and hauled her off her feet, pulling her into my arms. “Please don’t be sad. It’s in the past.”

“But—”

“But it’s over. It sucked for a long time, and it dragged me down for so long, but I moved on. That’s not who I am anymore.”

“She was part of you,” she argued.

“Yes, she was. And I learned a long time ago that if I was going to live for myself, I had to let her go. Because the man I was holding onto her had nothing left to live for. I drank way too much. I hated myself. There were days I didn’t want to live. And I won’t ever let myself be that man again. So, this is who I am. All of me.”

She swiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“So, how about we go find some pictures to brighten up this place?”

“Fine, but I get the final say.”

“That hardly seems fair, but I’ll trust your judgment.”

14

HOLLY

“What about this one?”

He stood beside me, arms crossed as he stared at the painting with me. His eyes focused on every single detail. Seriously, the man had very little style, yet he vetoed almost all of my choices. I was beginning to think he was just taking me on a wild goose chase.

“I don’t know. Is it really me?”

“Are any of these really you?”

“It’s too…”

“What?”

His eyes scanned the picture again. “Big.”

---