Page 150 of Outside The Wire

“How about you read it first, and if you really want me to read it, I will.”

That was my Holly Bear, always thinking of others. I sat down on the couch, sliding my finger under the seal. As I pulled out the paper, for a moment, I hesitated. Did I really want to hear Jade’s final words to me? What if she hated me? Maybe I deserved that after everything that happened.

Asher,

I still remember the first time I saw you, how you walked into that club with your grumpy, no-nonsense face. You barely looked at me as you walked past. I hated you even then. I thought you were just like everyone else my father worked with. And then he handed me over to you, and I knew my life would be hell. But I had no choice. I wanted to keep my mother safe, and that was the only reason I didn’t run from you.

It turned out to be the best decision of my life. I had never in all my life known a man to be so kind and generous as you. When others used me or tore me down, you showed me love and respect. When my father took from me, you held me and gave me anything I needed.

But I did just as much taking from you, and I see that now. I took all your love and protection and I threw them away. I didn’t trust in you or turn to you for help. I was drowning and could only see one way out, and that hurt the one person who loved me more than anyone else in the world. I’m so very sorry for what I put you through, and I’m very happy that you’ve found someone who can give you the joy and happiness you deserve. She truly is a very special person. I know you’ll be very happy with her, and I hope you’ll relay just how very sorry I am to have behaved so poorly toward her.

Call it my insane jealousy that deep down, I knew she already had your heart.

I’m moving on with life, and please don’t ask where. I’m more than taken care of. I still have a therapist that I see regularly, and I haven’t had any of those crazy thoughts since I woke up, so you can live a happy life without worrying about me. I’ll be just fine, and one day, I’ll meet someone who will look at me the way you look at Holly.

I want to thank you for saving my life. Maybe you don’t see it that way, but the moment you walked into my life, you gave me hope. Hope for someone who would love me, for an escape, for a life that didn’t include anything to do with my father. I got there in a roundabout way, and it was all because of you. I would have died a much worse death if you had never come along. Please remember that, and know that I’m finding a new path in life and learning to live for myself now, just as you have.

Whatever life brings, it will be because of an amazing man who gave me the chance to be free.

I will love you always.

Jade.

I grippedthe paper in my hand, feeling even worse than before. While her letter was supposed to make me feel better, all it did was remind me how I had failed her once again.

“What is it?” Holly asked.

I held the letter out to her, letting her read it. Somehow, even when I moved on, I managed to screw things up. I just couldn’t get things right. I slid my fingers through my hair and stood, pacing the living room.

“Should I go after her?”

Holly continued to read, her eyes filling with tears as she sniffled. Great, she was crying now, too. Fuck, I was a disaster.

“That’s it. I’m fucking this all up.”

“Asher, this is so beautiful.”

“What? She’s fucking miserable!”

“No,” she cried out, laughing. “She’s moving on. She saw us.”

“What? How do you get that out of what she wrote?” I snapped.

“She had to have. Only a woman who truly saw the love of her life truly in love with another woman would write a note like this. Asher, she’s accepted that she’s not the one for you.”

“But she hates me!”

“No,” she laughed. “She doesn’t hate you. She’s trying to thank you and tell you how much she loves you for helping her get through this horrible time of her life. Can’t you see that?”

“No. All I see is that I fucked up her life. Again!”

Holly shook her head, still laughing at me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. “Asher, you are by far the most hard-headed man I’ve ever met. You’re so determined to think the worst of yourself no matter what. But you never give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you do.”

“Like what?” I grumbled.

“Like rescuing a poor woman who lost her cart in an icy parking lot. Or buying your girlfriend a hat just because youthink it would look good on her. Or getting hot cocoa for my friend because you know she likes it.”

“Okay, I get it,” I sighed, rolling my eyes.

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