Page 115 of Outside The Wire

I shook my head slightly. “I had no idea what I was walking into, and once he made the offer, it was clear the only way I was walking out of there alive was by accepting. It wasn’t something I wanted at all. She absolutely hated me from the moment she saw me.”

“She was there?”

I huffed out a miserable laugh. “Her father dragged her in for me to see. Like that would tempt me in some way. That’s how disgusting that world is. She was nothing but a commodity to him, and he made it damn clear that my life was tied to hers in every way.”

“And that’s how you ended up married to her,” Holly whispered.

My eyes slipped closed as I relived my past. I fucking hated every second of that job. Who I was back then was someone I despised. And now that I was putting it out there, it brought back that itchy feeling under my clothes that made me feel like I needed to shower with a Brillo pad to get the stench off me.

“It was one thing after another on that job. People were constantly trying to kill us. I almost died a few times. I was always terrified Jade was going to be used against me. It was a fucking nightmare, but somewhere along the way, I started to fall for her. It was a relationship built on extremely dangerous circumstances, and if she hadn’t died…I have no idea what would have happened.”

I felt her stiffen beside me. “Meaning, you don’t know if you would still be with her?”

I finally met her eyes and gave her the truth. “Yes.”

“Do you still love her?”

“Part of me will always love her, but it wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t real. If we had met under any other circumstances, I’m not sure we would have looked twice at each other.”

“There was an attraction, Asher. You can’t deny that.”

“No, I can’t,” I said honestly. “But she’s not the one I want to be with.” I took her hand in mine. “Holly, what I have with you is the most real thing I’ve ever had in my life. I have never been so happy in my life as when I’m with you. I need you to know that.”

“I do,” she sighed.

But that wasn’t all. I could feel it. She slowly pulled her hand away.

“But, Asher, it’s all based on a lie.”

“No—”

“Yes. What we have is real, but you hid everything about who you were from me. This was a major part of your life and you just acted like it never happened.”

“Holly—”

She shook her head, standing with a sigh. “I need some time to think about this. It’s a lot to take in. Please believe me, Asher, it’s not that I don’t love you or that I think less of you. But you have a wife who’s back from the dead. You used to be a bodyguard who infiltrated a crime organization,” she said with a laugh. “I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that. I mean…I run a small home shop. I thought you were a mechanic who teased me about my girl measuring and liked to pull on my funny hats. And now I find out you have this whole other life where you apparently kill men to take over for—arms dealers!” she spluttered. “I don’t even know what to do with that!”

She pressed her hand to her forehead, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath. I stood, wishing I could change what was happening. I knew this would be a shock to her. I never wanted her to know about this part of my life for exactly this reason. But maybe this was always meant to happen. Maybe she was right—you couldn’t ever truly escape your past.

“I’ll, uh, head back to my place and give you some space.”

“I think that’s best,” she said quietly.

It fucking killed me to walk away, but what hurt even more was seeing the pain in her eyes because I’d put it there. I swore I would never hurt her, and I’d broken her heart in one night.

“I’m really sorry about all this, Holly.”

She nodded, and when she looked up at me, I saw the tears swimming in her eyes, and it nearly broke me. She swiped at her cheeks and nodded. “I know, Asher. God, I know you never wanted this to happen.”

I couldn’t leave without holding her one last time. I had no idea if this was the end or if she’d ever let me near her again. Sliding my hand up her arm, I brushed my thumb across her jaw and then cupped her cheek as I pulled her to me. Her soft body folded into mine perfectly, just like it was meant to, and that nearly broke me, knowing this might be the last time.

I blinked away the moisture in my eyes as she buried her face in my chest to muffle her cries. I would not lose her. I couldn’t. She was everything to me, and the thought of never holding her in my arms again or seeing her beautiful smile at the end of every day would be worse than when I lost Jade. I might never come back from that. Somehow, I would find a way to make it up to her and win her back because there was no other option for me.

I took her face in my hands and forced her to look up at me. “I love you so much, Holly Bear. Never forget that.” I kissed her one last time, pouring my entire heart into the kiss. Then I turned and walked out of the house, not looking back once because I knew I would never be able to leave if I did.

28

JADE

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