Page 41 of Fair Catch

We continue nursing our beers, allowing the peaceful silence to linger between us.

I glance his way every once in a while, mentally working up the courage to finally open my mouth and ask him some personal questions without feeling like I’m pushing for too much. Him taking the time to go to the party, and now this, is more than is required of a roommate, and I really don’t want him to think I’m the type to take a mile when he gives an inch.

But fuck, I really would like to get to know more about him at the same time.

“Can I ask you something in return?” I hedge once I finally grow a set.

“Technically, you already did.”

Shaking my head, I let out a wry chuckle. “I can’t stand you.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” he says, laughing as he plays with the label on his beer bottle. “But go ahead, let’s hear it.”

I have no idea how to go about this, so rather than trying, I just let the question blurt from me.

“You said you were demisexual, right?” When he nods in agreement, I force myself to ask, “How did you figure that out?”

He frowns, brows colliding in the center. “Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about that. I knew I wasn’t like other guys my age pretty early on. I mean, they were all out having sex way,waybefore any kids probably should be when I had no real interest in it at all for the longest time. Hell, until I was a junior in high school, I was convinced I was actually asexual. But then I met Camille.”

“I’m assuming she was your first,” I supply, an unwelcome feeling hitting my stomach at the thought.

“Yeah, but it took a damn long time for us to get there.” He glances out the window, the tiniest smile hinting at reminiscence. “Even when we started dating, I never had the literal desire to fuck her. It took a lot for me to get to the point where I even saw her in a sexual way, and it’s been the same for anyone I’ve dated. My sex drive doesn’t shift into gear until that connection forms, but once I get there, I’m pretty insatiable.”

Maybe this line of questioningwasn’tthe safest topic of discussion, because now I’m sitting here thinking about horny, sex-crazed Hayes, and it’s causing my stomach to do all kinds of flips and tricks like it’s a goddamn trampoline park.

Shoving those thoughts as far down as I can, I do my best to focus on the information he’s giving me that’sactuallyimportant.

I take a long drink of my beer, trying to reroute my brain. “So the demi part sort of came in when you and whoever you’re with made a deeper emotional connection, right? Because that’s when you started being…sexually attracted.”

“That’s the basis of it. But it’s not like I want to fuck anyone who I have a good emotional connection with. I mean, look at Quinton,” he offers in example. “He’s my favorite person in the world, knows me better than any other soul on the planet, but there’s absolutely no lust or desire there, even if I can admit he’s an attractive guy.”

I frown. “But you just said he’s attractive.”

Hayes takes another drink before nodding. “I did, and I stand by that. But there’s a difference between someone being attractive and being attractedto them.”

I was following pretty easily before, but now, he’s officially lost me.

“Explain, please.”

His eyes study me briefly, those sapphire irises still seeing through me the way they always seem to. “Thinking someone is attractive isn’t the same thing as feeling attractionforthem. You can look at women like Scarlett Johansson or Taylor Swift and think they’re pretty, beautiful, aesthetically pleasing, right?” When I nod, he continues. “See, but admitting that doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. We’re too quick to lump aesthetic and sexual attraction together and call it a day, but someone who is demi is far more likely to see the difference between the two.”

Nodding, I concede to his point. “Okay, carry on.”

After the assurance that I’m following his logic, he continues, “Some demi people don’t see aesthetic attraction at all, some see it sometimes for some people—which is where most non-demi people fall too—and some see it for everyone they encounter. The difference is that non-demi people can think someone is hot or sexy and immediately jump into bed with them without knowing a thing about them. Sexual attraction is the direct influence of aesthetic attraction. Whereas someone who is demi doesn’t necessarily need aesthetic attraction, because it has no influence on sexual attraction for us. Emotional connection does instead, and while demi is far from one-size-fits-all, that’s the common denominator. Does that make sense?”

“I think so,” I murmur, though my brain feels like it’s on fire a little bit. “Basically, emotions are a prerequisite for sex.”

He laughs. “In layman’s terms, yes. But why all the demi questions? Are you thinking you might be too?”

My immediate gut reaction is no, and I shake my head. “I feel sexual attraction, for sure. I think I just want it to mean something, you know?”

“So you justwantthe emotional connection before sex, but you don’tneedit,” he supplies, to which I nod. “Seems fair to me.”

“Exactly. And, I mean, there are plenty of guys I would’ve had sex with not long after meeting them, that I’d thought about in that way. Like when I saw you in the coffee shop the day we first met, fucking you was something that crossed my mind, but I had no intention of acting on it because, again, I wanted it to mean something.”

The comment slips out before I have a chance to really think about what was said, but when I see Hayes pause with his beer halfway to his mouth and I do a little rewind to five seconds ago, my stomach drops straight to my ass.

Oh, fuckity fuck fuck. I didnotjust say that.

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