Page 128 of Fair Catch

We both laugh, and I have to admit, this feels good between us. Like things are the same, but different. A fresh page at the beginning of a new chapter we both desperately needed. But despite the mood lightening, I still feel like there’s a darkness lingering over me, but I know it has nothing to do with Phoenix.

Not directly, at least.

My eyes lift to his, only to find him staring at me intently. “I want you to know…I get it now. What it means for you to be with Holden. Why you felt like you couldn’t give up what the two of you have.”

“I tried to. For you, and for our friendship.” There’s a beat of silence where he gives me a helpless little shrug. “He’s in my veins, though. I can’t help the way I feel about him.”

I nod, understanding his point all too well.

“Just so you know, I stand by what I said last spring. I want you to be happy, and now that I know what it feels like to find that with someone else, I’d never want to be the thing standing in the way of it.”

“And circling back to Hayes,” he hedges tentatively, raising a brow. “Dare I ask how you’re doing with all this?”

I smile, and I know without even looking in the mirror, it’s likely the most desolate one he’s ever seen.

“I feel like a piece of me dies inside every day I don’t hear from him.”

A sadness contorts his face, and I wouldn’t have to be his best friend to know he’s remembering the time he and Holden spent apart last year. The timeI’dkept them apart.

“I wish I could say it gets easier,” he whispers with a shrug. “In reality, I think you just get used to it. Living with the pain.”

My eyes trail over his features, noting how he appears the same on the outside, but it’s almost like I can see the change in him too. Almost like he’s lighter. Less worried and burdened, constantly playing the hero.

“You really have grown,” I tell him, arching a brow. “The old version of you would’ve already grabbed your keys and went over there to give him a piece of your mind. And possibly your fist.”

“Yeah, well, it’s obvious you wouldn’t let me if I tried. Which is how I know you have too.”

He’s definitely got a point.

“Look at us, being healthy and shit.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “And on the topic of health, I’m gonna lecture you for half a second and remind you not to let the grief eat you alive.” Aiming a knowing look at me, he continues, “Call your therapist. Talk to me or to Hold or someone on the team or to the freakin’ barista at the coffee shop. Just don’t bottle it up, okay? We’re all here for you.”

I suck in a dramatic breath through my teeth, needing the air in the room to lighten back up again. “I don’t know, you already let me move in here. Talking shit out with you on top of that? I think it’s a bit too codependent for my taste.”

“Shut the fuck up, you dick.” He laughs, shoving me hard enough, I have to catch myself from falling off the bed. “For real, though. I’m glad you’re here. I wouldn’t want you to be anywhere else while you’re going through all this.”

“Me either, Phoe.”

He goes to rise off my bed, but I don’t let him get far before grabbing his wrist and pulling him into a hug. As my arms wrap around his shoulders, it feels like a piece of my soul has finally been returned, but I can’t help noticing the other missing piece I feel just as deeply.

“Get some rest,” Phoenix says when he releases me. “You’ve got some big training days coming up.”

“Will do. Thanks, Dad,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.

He points at me as menacing as he can while a giant grin is on his face. “Call me that again and I’ll give you a curfew too.”

“Oh, the terror.”

Laughter fills my room as he stands and heads for the door, and I can tell both of us are feeling pretty good about this new place we’re in. Good enough for me to pull out some taunts and jabs for old time’s sake.

“Hey, on a side note, can you and Hold keep it down a little bit at night? The walls in this place are thin as hell, and my lonely, heartbroken ass really can’t handle listening to a happy couple rail each other for hours on end.”

My best friend throws his head back in laughter. “It’s not us, man. We know how to keep a lid on it.”

“You’re telling me I’m hearing one of the others from two floors away?”

“To be fair, it could just be one floor,” Phoe counters, brow arched.

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