Page 70 of Caught Stealing

I can see it in his eyes as he gazes at me; he thinks I’m pissed at him and that’s why I’m staying behind. Because he made me the third wheel by inviting Holden. Or because he knows I didn’t want Holden and all the other guys to join us on our annual trip in the first place and could still be holding onto a grudge.

And yeah, he’d be right about one thing. I am pissed. Except it’s not him I’m pissed at.

It’s myself.

I shake the thought free from my head—not willing to unpack any of that with Kason sitting beside me—and do the only thing I can think of. The only thing I seem to be doing anymore.

I lie.

“I just want to spend the rest of winter break with my family.” The words taste bitter on my tongue, as deceit often does, even if it is laced with the truth. So naturally, I double down with some more. “Plus, Charlotte asked me if I’d be going to her ballet recital, and I’d have felt like a shit older brother if I didn’t stay for it.”

Kason stares at me, probably measuring the honesty in my words. But either he’s blind to the truth, or he’s deciding not to fight me on this, because he only shakes his head in concession.

“Fine, just know you’re leaving me alone with a couple of idiots the rest of the way home. So if I die without you there to keep them in line, that’s on you.”

I muster the best smile I can and shake my head. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

I’m just not so sureIwill be.

There’s a moment of silence between us, and for the first time since all this crap with Holden started, I feel at ease with my best friend. The tension has started to dissolve, leaving only the comfort I’ve always known his presence to be, to the point where I’m about to open my mouth and offer him to spend the rest of the break here too. Stay with me and let the other six go back to Chicago. Have some time for just us, like we’ve done for the past two years.

But Kason blows that little idea to smithereens when he sighs and says, “Okay, well, before we head out, I do need some advice.”

“Sure, man. What’s up?”

“Well…” He blows out another breath and chances a glimpse my way. “It’s about Holden.”

My heart sinks, but I plaster on a smile anyway. “I’ll remain as impartial as possible.”

As if there’s any remote possibility of it, to begin with.

“I think I’m starting to…”

Kason’s tongue rolls against his cheek, and I can visibly see all the thoughts forming in his brain. The things he’s wanting to say, but doesn’t know how. Or maybe isn’t ready to.

“You’re starting to…” I hedge. All the while, my heart hammers in my chest, pounding like the hooves of a racehorse in the homestretch as I wait in agony for him to continue. All the while praying to any God that exists for me to be wrong about where this is going.

Please, don’t say it. Please, please, don’t fucking say—

“I think I’m starting to like him, maybe?”

A vise clamps around my heart so tight, it’s a wonder I’m still alive and breathing. Nonetheless, I stumble through the pain and offer him the best response I can muster.

“I would have thought that was obvious, seeing as you invited him here.”

Kason shakes his head. “Well, yeah. I just mean things between him and I have been going pretty slow. It’s my own doing, and he’s been fine with it. I think I’m ready to take a step forward now—maybe even ask for exclusivity once we take that step. But…” His eyes shift over to me, and I hate how much worry and anxiety I see in them. “I don’t know, Phoe. I can’t really explain it. He just makes me so nervous all the time. I feel like a bumbling fool around him, so I don’t even know how to broach the subject.”

I know what I want to say.

It should be easy for him to talk to the guy he likes, especially about something like this. The one he’s supposedto be with will make himmorecomfortable, not less. But if either of those things come out of my mouth—no matter how true they might be—it will all feel tainted for my own personal gain.

I have to be the supportive best friend here. It’s what he needs.

So despite my better judgment, I paint a picture for him with half-truths.

“Comfort will come with time and, more importantly, experience.” I swallow past the knot in my throat and force out more words of reassurance. “Once things…progressbetween you a bit more, you’ll become less jittery around him.”

He shrugs, clearly disbelieving of my point. “It’s been almost two months. You’d think I’d be able to act like less of a nervous wreck whenever he’s within two feet of me.” His head sinks into his hands, fingers raking through his auburn hair. “And I feel like the more I’m starting to feel comfortable, the more he’s pulling away. Like, you saw it on the beach when I kissed him. He couldn’t get away fast enough.”

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