Page 127 of Caught Stealing

I give him a half-hearted smile as silent understanding passes between us. There’s no way for us to know what could have happened, and we can’t go back and rewrite history to figure it out. All we can do is take what’s happened, learn from it, and move on.

Move forward. Hopefully in the same direction.

“I truly am sorry; I hope you know that.” I rake my fingers through my hair before releasing a long exhale. “But you’re right about one thing; this is bigger than Holden. This is about the toxic codependency we’ve fallen into over the years.”

“I don’t want to be.” A solemn expression crosses Kason’s face, and his head drops to his hands before continuing. “But you said it yourself; you’re my comfort zone. Mysecurity blanket.And if this has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t be anymore.”

The same bout of anxiety I’ve been feeling for weeks now starts infiltrating my thoughts all over again.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” I mutter. “Not one fucking bit.”

“If we want to salvage this, I think it’s the only way.”

I hate knowing he’s right, considering no part of this feels like the right thing.

“Why does it feel like we’re breaking up right now?”

He lets out a choked laugh and shakes his head. “I mean, I wouldn’t say breaking up. I don’t want you to think I’m writing you out of my life for this, ‘cause that’s not the case. But we can’t be like we were, and I do the work I need to do. Constantly looking to you and having you around isn’t healthy for either of us. I…need to be on my own, you know? So do you, otherwise we don’t stand a chance at getting past this.”

“So we’re just…” I pause, searching for the words I need, only to come up empty.

“We’re on a break,” Kason supplies, and I can’t help how my lips curl up in a grin at hisFriendsreference. After all, it’s one of the many things we bonded over through all the passing years.

“Just don’t go finding a new best friend on this break, okay?”

A second round of soft laughter leaves him, and he shakes his head again. “Not in this lifetime, Phoe.”

Another bout of silence falls between us, this one a lot more comfortable than the last. And though it might take a while for it to happen, I think this will work.

I think we’re gonna be okay, but only if he can get past one crucial thing.

Kason’s eyes study my face, and it’s more than apparent he can still read me like a magazine when he asks, “Why do you look like there’s something else you wanna say?”

Goddamnit.

I know saying what’s on my mind right now is a significant step in the right direction for me. But retraining my brain to put my own priorities first has been a huge learning curve, and this is a perfect example of that.

My fingers trace over the stitching on his bedding, the bumps and ridges offering me a strange sort of comfort when I speak. “One of the things Holden kept telling me through this whole thing was that I needed to learn how to choose me. Choose who or what makesmehappy, you know?” I wet my lips, and a wry laugh slips past them as I lift my gaze to him. “And though I know you don’t want to hear this, Holden makes me happy, Kase.”

“So you’re choosing him, after all.”

I’m silent for a moment before I say, “No, I’m choosing me.”

From the way he frowns, he’s not entirely following.

“You’ve always been my number one, but it’s time I’m my own number one, Kase.” I scrub the back of my neck awkwardly. “I fell in love with Holden. No matter how much sense it doesn’t make, no matter if it all blows up in my face, I love him. He looks like the rest of my life, and I’ll never forgive myself if I throw that away. Not for you, not for anyone.”

There are plenty of reactions I’m expecting from Kason at my declaration, and most of them aren’t pleasant. So when a single word comes from his lips, hinted with a smile, I don’t know what to make of it.

“Good.”

I blink at him, almost sure I heard wrong. “I’m sorry?”

“I saidgood.”

“Are we in an alternate reality and I’m just now realizing it?” I say slowly. “I thought this would only piss you off even more.”

The smile inching its way onto his lips is now a face-splitting grin. “You can fuck up and piss me off, but you’re still important to me. And yeah, it might take some time for me to stop being angry and to rebuild the trust for all the lies and secrets you kept. But you’re still my best friend, Phoe. I still care about you and will always want you to be happy. That’s all I willeverwant for you.”

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