“Double-edged sword,” Cam murmurs quietly to himself while nodding. “I’m sorry, man. That’s tough.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, before my eyes shift to Oakley, who has been uncharacteristically quiet since the heavy emotions started becoming involved. Yet as his eyes study my face, understanding dawns on his.
“You love him,” Oakley says, a hint of awe in his voice. “Don’t you?”
Leave it to my best friend to see right through me like I’m nothing more than a piece of glass.
I bite the inside of my cheek, and before I realize it, I nod. “With every inch of me.”
The admission produces a silence that hangs in the air like morning fog, and it’s deafening. It leaves me to drown in my own thoughts and worries, not knowing where to go from here.
All I know is…I love him.
I’ve known it for a while now, even if I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else.
“Didn’t have that one on my bingo card for the year,” Camden says, popping a few more kernels in his mouth.
“That’s it,” Theo snaps, turning to Camden. “If you can’t be helpful or be quiet, you can leave.” His tone leaves little room for debate, shocking us into silence as his focus shifts back to me. “But back to more important matters, have you told him you love him? Or how you’re feeling about all this?”
I sigh and give him a worthless shrug. “Of course, I’ve thought about it. On both accounts. Only, at this point, saying anything at all feels like it’ll just make things worse.”
“You don’t know that,” Oakley says quietly. “There’s no way of knowing either. So the real question is, are you willing to take the risk that this won’t pan out the way you want it to?”
“You mean put my heart on the line and hope he doesn’t use it for batting practice?”
“Pretty much, yeah,” Theo answers. “Or you walk away. And from how things seem, that really isn’t an option for you.”
I shake my head. “Not at all.”
There’s no way in hell, actually. I’m not strong enough to be a martyr, and I’m far too selfish to give him up.
Theo nods. “Then you gotta fight for him ‘til you can’t anymore. Show him you’re not going anywhere until he tells you otherwise.”
Fight for him I can do. There’s no doubt in my mind. I just don’t know how. Not when it feels like he’s slowly slipping away from me, even while he’s still in my grasp.
I have to find a way to bring him back to himself. Make him smile and laugh the way he does when we’re just us. When all the shit with Kason doesn’t infiltrate his mind and weigh on him like an anvil.
“You could always do a grand gesture or a big showy love declaration like in the movies.” This comes from Cam, whose eyes flash to Theo nervously. “I feel like that was helpful.”
“It is, actually,” I murmur, more to myself than anyone. But the issue still remains… “I just can’t see him choosing me over his best friend when all’s said and done. Grand gesture or not. His loyalty and protectiveness are unmatched, so thebros before hoescode is one I’m sure he’ll uphold ‘til death.”
“I refuse to believe that shit applies to the one person who’s gonna be the rest of your life,” Oakley says with a shake of his head. “When it’s your forever on the line, all the codes and rules go right out the damn window.”
There’s a firmness in his tone, and it feels slightly misplaced. Like he’s almost speaking from experience. Still I don’t waste time dwelling on it and look around at my roommates.
“Thanks for being in my corner, guys.”
“I still don’t think you fucked up all that bad,” Cam says in a whisper that’s a bit louder than he probably intended.
“And I’m done,” Theo mumbles as he picks up the entire bowl of popcorn—or what’s left of it—and dumps it over Camden’s head before dropping the empty plastic on his head.
“I did absolutely nothing to deserve this,” Cam chirps, the sound muffled by the plastic.
“Oh, but you did,” Theo grumbles as he shakes his head.
“You do realize one of us has to clean this up, right?” Oakley says, thoroughly unamused by Theo’s little stunt.
All he does is shrug before heading toward the basement stairs.