Page 127 of The Chance

“I miss you, mi Vida. So goddamn much.”

Resting my temple on our joined hands, I zone out while staring at the way his feet pitch the blanket up.

And all I can think about are his worn-down Chucks lying stranded in the middle of his hallway floor.

He loved me then.

Something in me snaps and it aches so deeply that I can’t tell if it’s falling into place or cracking more apart than I already feel.

Somehow … it feels like both.

How much time I’ve missed.

Time I’ll never get back with the man that somehow stole my heart when I wasn’t aware it was even up for grabs.

I’m not even convinced thatitknew what was happening.

“Never once,” I mutter to the fabric covering his toes. “Did the others feel like this.” I lick my dried lips and roll my head over his knuckles. “Not even the sweetheart I had all through middle into high school. The one I was convinced was gonna last a lifetime. Once we traded V-cards, I was in it. Granted it took me three years to do it, but we did, and things were okayish.” I chuckle at my naivety. “She turned out to be fucking the entire football team all of junior and senior year.”

Looking back at it now, I understand that my connection to her was more friendly than it ever was romantic. That my trauma-fueled and hormone-addled brain made the dots all line up enough to make it seem like more.

She was there before my parents died.

Gnawing at the inside of my cheek, I nuzzle into the warmth of Mac’s hand.

“The second was right after high school. Right time, right place kinda thing. We dated for months before I could work up the nerve to make anything happen. I chalked it up to jitters. Trauma.Moretrauma. For years, we went back and forth. Being friends who dated when they weren’t busy. It was good until Lugh showed up in the gym I was working at the time.”

My chest clenches at the memory of the biggest guy I’d ever seen walking through the door.

Looking for a temp membership, only to leave his number behind for me to call if I wanted more out of life than cleaning equipment and taking payments.

“I loved that gym. It was part of what saved my life. But Lugh spoke to a different part of my soul that screamed for more thanwhat I was given. The stability I’d been looking for. It felt like fate calling my name.”

I sigh out a shaking breath.

“If only I’d known it would bring me here. To you.”

For a long while, I fall into listening to the heart monitor’s steady beep. A confirmation that Mac’s heart still beats in his chest as my eyes fall closed.

As long as there’s sound, there’s life. His life. Brilliant and too goddamn good for this earth.

Too good for me.

Will he still be willing to go on that date with me when he wakes up? Or will this change everything all over again?

I’m not sure how long I stay like that with my heart in my throat, uncertainty nearly choking me to death, my hand long passed falling asleep.

It’s so numb that not even my hair falling over my crown tickles it.

I know I should move, but I can’t. My head feels too heavy to lift, my neck too stiff to tilt.

More of my hair falls over my brow and skates across my forehead, causing goosebumps to rise along my spine.

Something nudges my scalp, and I hum at what must be a dream sinking it’s claws into my subconscious and attempting to pull me under.

Sighing, I let it ease me with its caress. Console me with its softness.

Gentle scrapes have my lips parting and my breath evening.

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