I blink.
Andblink.
Because with that chance statement from Jordan’s lips comes a softening to his features I wasn’t expecting, but watch nonetheless as his jaw unclenches and the crease between his brows smooth out.
Like he’s melting into the moment while I stand here on edge with pins and needles taking up residence in my veins.
This is where he lets me know it never should have happened.
That it was a phase. A curiosity.
That we’ll be better friends, and he hopes that I can get past it.
“You motherfucker,” I snarl on the shake of my head, my skin growing hot and tight. “I can’t fucking believe you. Coming all this way just to tell me—”
I cut off when gentle, yet rough, fingers graze my elbow and for a second … I let myself hope. It’s a dangerous thing to allow when I feel so damn raw, but I can’tnot.
Not when he’s goddamn touching me.
My gaze drops, zeroing in on the touch before jerking away from him.
“Just go, Jordan. It’s fine. I don’t need the spiel I’ve already heard.”
The bathroom is in my sights, it’s glow calling to me like a ship lost to the turbulent sea and welcoming me to the shores if only my feet could move across the carpet.
But Jordan’s words freeze me on the spot once again.
“What spiel have you already heard?”
My eyes slide closed, and I force a breath that does nothing to calm the tremble taking over my limbs and threatening to strangle my insides.
“Fucking name it and I’ve heard it before,” I murmur through the clench in my jaw as my head falls back and I stare at the ceiling. “My wife can’t find out.” My stomach rolls and my chest gets tighter. “AndI don’t normally do this, but you’reyou.” My sight drops to Jordan, my voice cracking with each excuse I’ve ever heard off my lips. “I swear I’m not gay. Orthis will never work with a man.” My eyes sting and my throat goes raw. “Men can’t love each other so this is what I can give you.This is blasphemy. You’re the reason I’m going to hell.”
I swallow against the way my voice shakes.
“So fuckingexcuseme for not falling for that shit all over again.”
His grip is on my jaw before I realize there’s tears tracking down my face and I grab him right back, yanking him off me.
“Jordan,” I warn when he lands a hand on the back of my neck.
When I smack that hand away, he darts back in, wrapping me up in a bear hug that shouldn’t make me feel like I’m fucking crumbling, but it does.
“Get off,” I snarl, though my eyes leak.
“No.”
I wiggle and jerk, a growl ripping from my gut when he only coils tighter around me, holding me together when all I want to do is break.
“I swear to fuck all, Jordan.Get the fuck off me.”
My fingers dig into his hips, anchoring into the muscle there, making him hiss. When that doesn’t loosen him, I aim a knee for his thigh that he somehow blocks.
The momentum knocks us off kilter and we meet the mattress with a grunting thud.
Struggling against him, I shove until he’s on his back and my knees are digging into his thighs, and still he doesn’t release the band around my arms and chest.
“Fuck you.”