Page 69 of Burn for You

I just smile and we settle into a comfortable silence, putting the cottage back together piece by piece, making it mine again.

Marina yawns,plonking herself down on the new couch after a few hours of work. “We should get going. Can’t be delivering the precious cargo too late.” Isla rolls her eyes but doesn’t disagree.

“Thank you guys for coming. I really appreciate it.”

They both give me a hug before they head out. “I’ll see you at the bar tomorrow, yeah?” Marina calls out over her shoulder.

“Aye aye, captain,” I give her a salute before shutting the front door.

I turn back around with a sigh. My place, finally mine again. I smile as I grab my mug off it’s hook and put the kettle on to boil. I’m comfortable doing that now.

I never said anything, but when I woke up that morning after Rafael and I fought in the rain, the last thing I expected was to see him lying there on the ground next to me. He looked so uncomfortable, lying straight on the concrete floor. I’m surprised he didn’t pull a muscle or something. Lord knows I would’ve been complaining for weeks if that had been me. But he didn’t say a word, and neither did I.

I never told him how much it meant to me that he stayed there with me, that he put himself between myself and the flames—whether that was on purpose or not. I never told him that the only reason I was able to put the kettle on that morning was because I knew he was right there. That I was safe because he was with me.

You're safe.

I reach up, opening the top cabinet for the mini marshmallows that aren’t there. In fact, I don’t have any hot chocolate mix. I left it at Rafael’s.

I turn the kettle off and slink over to the couch, snuggling up with my blanket and grabbing a book. I sit and read for less than a minute before I note how quiet it is. It’s too quiet, too empty.

Rafael’s house felt empty because of how big it is, but the cottage feels empty because I know there’s no one else here. There are no deep grunts, or long sighs, no giant grump waiting across the hall. This place feels empty without him.

I throw my book down to the end of the couch, angry at myself. I press the heels of my hands into my eye sockets, willing the tears to stay inside.

I promised myself I’d never do this again. Never let a man dictate my emotions. Sleeping with someone was only ever meant to be just that, and it has been until Rafael.

I should’ve never gone there with him, never even let myselfthink of him any other way than hating him. But hating him quickly turned into my favorite hobby. It felt like a secret language that he and I shared, that no one else could read. Like the words were all jumbled up, but he and I could decipher it clear as day. And I didn’t even realize it until that fire that burned in his proximity started feeling less like distaste, and more like desire.

I should’ve never pried into him, should’ve never asked so many questions. I should’ve kept things easy, should’ve kept things distant. I should’ve never moved in, should’ve never slept with him. Because now, I don’t know how to go back.

I can’t sleep.My brain won’t stop playing me a highlight reel of last night. I’ve tried imagining Dave in a tutu, a blobfish, my grandma getting hit by a truck. Nothing can take my mind off of the sound of Rafael’s voice in my ear. The slapping of our skin. The feeling of his tongue on my core.

Fuck.

I throw the bedsheets off of me. My body is aching for him, for his rough hands against my skin. For his harsh grip holding me in place.

Double fuck.

I can’t bring myself to regret it, no matter how hard I try. I roll over and grab my phone off my nightstand, and I freeze in place.

Rafael

Hey.

I gave Rafael my number when I first moved into his place, but he’s never used it. My heart beats out of my chest as I wonder why he chose now to text me.

Me

Hey.

The little bubbles appear, indicating that he’s typing. My heart races as I imagine all the shit he could say right now.

Rafael

What are you thinking about?

I can feel myself coming undone at the seams, every stitch of my self-control snapping one by one. My sleep deprived brain takes control, deciding to be bold.

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